


To turn a blank page

by sencire



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cuddly Clarke, F/F, One Night Stands, Quarantine fic but nowhere near as scary as reality, Smut, Tiger Lexa turns Kitten Lexa, Womanizer Lexa, also Anya - are you serious?, and a very VERY confused Lexa, and fluff, but it's not her fault, did i mention the fluff?, do not repost without permission, it's fiction after all, mentions of loss and grief, mild panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:47:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23234968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sencire/pseuds/sencire
Summary: “I don’t do cuddles in the morning” – that is all Lexa is prepared to give her latest conquest before bailing. But there's something about this blonde that tells her it won't be so easy this time.A tale of deliberately not looking for love but still finding it.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 286
Kudos: 1054





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so here I am taking a huge leap from canon to AU and I’m actually scared. As much as I do love those two in their original setting and the familiarity that comes with that, I wanted to explore other things with them too. So here we are. 
> 
> Let me know what you think.

* * *

The tickle of sunlight on the tip of her nose wakes her. Lexa wiggles her nose but the tickle doesn’t go away. Cracking one eye open, she finds it way too bright and turns onto her stomach, rubbing her nose into the pillow. The soft fabric smells clean but unfamiliar. She groans, her limbs too heavy to move yet. Carefully, she opens the other eye. The covers are a plain, somewhat sterile white. The kind you find in a hotel room.

Another tired groan escapes her, a little louder this time, and she pulls at the sheets to hide under them. Blurred images flash before her closed eyes. She has no idea how late it is but her body tells her it wants to stay underneath the cozy blankets a little longer. Just a few minutes, then she’ll get going.

“Hey, leave some for me!”

Lexa’s eyes fly open at the sound of the sleepy voice. The mattress tilts slightly, then an arm slides around her and a warm body snuggles up to her back.

Oh.

Right.

The hot blonde. Carol. Claire. Carly? Shit. Lexa can’t remember. Her tired mind manages to piece a few fragments together though.

She had picked a club with good music last night and not too many people and had planned on letting the thumping base mute out all other sounds in her head. She had been enjoying herself. Trying to flirt with the cute barkeeper and actually aiming to go home with her.

But before she could make a real move, she had been distracted by a loud female voice. Amazed at how anyone’s voice could carry above the music, Lexa had turned to see what the commotion was about. She saw a blonde woman arguing with a guy. Lexa slid off her chair right away. It hadn’t looked like the blonde needed help though. She moved into the guy’s space to get him to back off. Probably some idiot who didn’t understand what ‘no’ meant. Staggering backwards, he held out his hands as if to apologize and at the same time hold off an attack. It made Lexa chuckle. Clearly, the blonde was winning. She climbed back into her chair and resumed trying to catch the barkeeper’s attention but found her chatting to another customer at the other end of the bar.

She had almost forgotten about the incident again when a little while later someone bumped rather roughly into her. Lexa was about to tell the person off when she noticed it was the blonde fury from before, leaning onto the bar with a huff. Lexa nodded at her with a wink.

It was like the sun smiled back at her. Lexa was instantly mesmerized and she felt a broad smile tug at her lips as a response. The barkeeper was forgotten. She liked how the blonde’s blue eyes widened as they took in her face. Lexa knew about her effect on women, it always worked in her favor. So then she had turned her attention fully to her new challenge – only to find that the doors were already wide open.

“So, I see you can stand up for yourself.”

The woman looked at her from underneath her make-up heavy lashes, giving her another bright smile. She looked like an angel and Lexa was unable to tear her eyes away from her. Something about the way her gaze never seemed to falter when Lexa looked into her eyes. When the woman finally spoke, her voice was low and very telling.

“You noticed. And I noticed you.”

A drink later, Lexa hadn’t been all that surprised at the feeling of a hand on her thigh, moving up slowly, spreading warmth right into Lexa’s core. The deep gazes and the rosy tongue darting out to run along very kissable lips. And that low cut shirt and its contents. A low growl crawling up Lexa’s throat in approval. It had been instant and mutual. So it hadn’t taken them long to make up their minds and leave. Stumbling through the night, giggling, kissing (yeah, she remembers that well), making out in the elevator on the ride up, fumbling with the key card in the lock and … well … waking up in a hotel room.

Way to go, Lexa, she scolds herself. Aren’t you getting too old for this? Her mouth feels like she has chewed on a dirty rag. She untangles her legs from the sheets, sticking out her knee to hold her position. She moves her tongue inside her mouth to unstick it from her gums.

The hand on her stomach slowly moves up to her chest and stops there, growing limp. Lexa realizes she’s not wearing a shirt. She’s not wearing anything at all.

Right. She frantically tries to jumpstart her brain. This is fine. It’s not the first time she has woken up next to a stranger. Lexa rubs her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. And turns around slowly.

The first thing she notices is the mop of wavy blonde hair sticking out from underneath the covers. A careful tug at the white sheets reveals a smooth forehead, then a set of eyes, closed with remains of kohl, a very cute nose and, oh, those lips. Lexa looks at them for a moment, her eyes being drawn to the small beauty mark just above upper lip. This is a very pretty girl. At least her taste is still impeccable.

“Hello, gorgeous.” The same husky voice she had last night, only now it’s also heavy from sleep. And now the woman’s blue eyes are fixed on Lexa while her lips curl into a smirk.

“Cat got your tongue?” A hand comes up from underneath the covers and reaches for Lexa. Before the blonde’s fingertips can touch her, Lexa snaps her head back and grabs the hand. She makes an effort not to grab too tightly. She just needs to hold it away from her face.

“I need to get going.”

She throws off the covers and rolls out of bed. Her clothes are scattered all across the floor around the bed. She starts looking for her underwear.

“So this is … what … fuck and leave?”

Lexa stops walking around for a moment to look at the woman who is shifting to sit up against the headrest.

“I’m sorry, I don’t do cuddles in the morning.”

The blonde raises her eyebrows, then lets out a humorless laugh.

“I wasn’t going to marry you so there’s no need to treat me like I have an infectious disease all of sudden. You could still be nice. We had a nice time, didn’t we?”

Lexa inhales deeply and takes her time to exhale, sitting down on the bed to put on her socks. She hangs her head and nods. Ah, there are her panties sticking out from under the sheets at the foot end. She pulls them out and wriggles into them.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. I just … I don’t like getting too close.”

The other woman studies her for a moment, pursing her lips. “That’s not the impression I got last night. You were pretty desperate to get really close.”

“Look,” Lexa pauses, still unable to remember the name and decides to take a chance because the situation is ruined anyway, “Claire, I need to get going. I had a really nice time with you, thank you for that, but I have to go.”

She gets up and reaches for the pair of jeans sitting on the armchair by the window. She peaks outside, squinting at the sun that seems to be up too high already.

“Clarke.”

“Huh?”

“Name’s Clarke. And you’re welcome. Lexa.” Her voice is cold as ice, her blue eyes shooting arrows.

“Or maybe I should just call you asshole.”

That actually hurts. Lexa pulls on the jeans, almost losing her balance when her foot gets stuck. But when she closes the button, there’s too much room. This pair of jeans is for hips wider than hers. She pulls them off again and finds another pair on the floor on Clarke’s side of the bed. Those must be hers. She reaches down to pick them up and spots her black t-shirt crumbled between the bed and the bedside table.

She pulls it out and flaps it to remove the worst creases but doesn’t put it on yet. She’s pretty sure she also wore a bra. But she can’t see it anywhere.

Clarke has propped herself up on her elbow, quietly watching her get dressed. Now she purses her lips, letting her eyes wander across Lexa’s bare upper body.

“You really are hot,” she says with an approving click of her tongue. “Sure you don’t want to stay? It might help you to remember my name if you’d repeat it a few times. Preferably while you’re coming.”

Lexa 's face turns a bright red and she drops her head to hide a grin. What kind of a woman has she picked up there?

“I can’t.”

“Got to be somewhere? It’s Sunday.”

“Clarke –“

“Alright, I got it. Mystery woman.”

Lexa pulls the shirt over her head. She has no idea where her bra is and this is getting weird.

“Didn’t you forget something?”

Lexa turns her head to find her bra dangling from Clarke’s index finger. She crooks her finger and it drops onto the mattress.

“Found it under my pillow. Not mine.”

“Ah, great, thanks.” Lexa leans down to take the bra. She twists it in her hands and then decides to sit down on the bed. When she looks at Clarke again, a blank face meets her. Searching eyes are scanning her face. She knows that look. She’s seen it before. Every time she gets caught before she can make an escape while they’re still asleep. Clarke is wondering what went wrong and can’t decide whether she wants to be angry or disappointed. She’s probably both.

“Clarke,” Lexa starts, trying a smile. “I’m really sorry. You seem like a nice girl.”

“Oh, do I?”

“Yes. And if we had met under different circumstances, I would stay.”

“Oh, would you?”

“Yes!”

Would she really?

“No, I wouldn’t. I just don’t do close. Although you are tempting,” Lexa adds, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Clarke sits up higher and with her abrupt movement, the sheets slide down. Lexa’s eyes drop onto the full breast that is revealed before she can stop them. When Clarke notices, she pulls the sheets up again to cover herself, hiding a grin.

“You don’t get to see that anymore. You know, you were polite and gentle last night, I really thought you were different.”

“You don’t know me. Maybe I am just an asshole.”

Lexa squirms a little under the scrutinizing look that Clarke gives her. She narrows her eyes and keeps them fixed on Lexa’s face. Lexa can almost hear an electric fizzle in the air between them. The same that had been there last night.

“No, I don’t think you are. Come here.” Clarke holds out her hand. “I’m not going to let you go like that.”

Lexa wonders why she doesn’t just go. What’s the point in prolonging this awkward situation? It’s just impossible to tear herself away though. There’s something about Clarke that makes her want to crawl back into bed and go back to sleep in her arms. Like last night, when one smile had made her feel like she could trust her.

She looks at Clarke again now, her outstretched hand within reach and decides to take it. Clarke pulls gently and Lexa suddenly doesn’t want to fight it anymore. She leans in, allowing herself to sink against Clarke’s lips and into the softest of kisses. It makes Lexa’s heart ache. She whimpers quietly which encourages Clarke to wrap her arms around her and without thinking Lexa snuggles closer. If Clarke is surprised, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she starts to gently run her fingers through Lexa’s hair.

“That’s enough now, I don’t do cuddling, remember?”

“Mhm, I know,” Clarke whispers and kisses her forehead. “Shame though, I’m the best cuddler.”

Oh, this is … she needs to get going. Lexa pushes herself up and feels Clarke’s arms slide away.

Lexa gets up and pushes her cell phone into her pocket, crumpling a few loose bills in the process. She crosses the room towards the door and puts her hand on the doorknob. Pretending to study the escape plan that hangs there, she closes her eyes briefly, still feeling the softness of Clarke’s lips on her skin. What is happening here? She straightens up and opens the door.

“I’m really sorry. Don’t think too badly of me.”

“I won’t, tiger.”

Lexa stops in the doorway to look back over her shoulder.

“Goodbye, Clarke, it was a pleasure meeting you.”

It’s a lame joke but it’s all Lexa can think of. She steps out and pulls the door shut behind her to Clarke’s hearty laugh. Her shoulders sag and she takes a couple of hesitant steps down the corridor. This just doesn’t feel right. She never feels regret like this when she leaves her one night stands. Digging around in her pocket, she pulls out a box of mints and pops one in her mouth. She wishes she had been able to take a shower and brush her teeth but that can’t be changed now.

When she reaches the elevator, she hesitates again before pushing the button. Part of her wants to go back. The other wants to run. The elevator announces its arrival and the doors slide open. Relieved to see that there’s nobody else inside, she enters and pushes the button for the lobby. Waiting for the doors to close, she looks back down the corridor, still wondering what it is about this woman that makes her heart so heavy.

Her phone vibrates in her back pocket and she pulls it out. She has a new message from an unknown number.

“I think I like you, tiger.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa runs into unexpected problems. But at least she gets a chance to brush her teeth. And Clarke … is Clarke.

* * *

The elevator pings as it reaches the lobby. The doors open but Lexa doesn’t move. She’s still staring at her phone, grinning from ear to ear. How did Clarke get her number? Her phone must have slipped out of her pocket when she tried to get rid of her pants as quickly as possible last night. Thinking back sends a pleasant shudder down her spine. She had hardly been able to stop kissing Clarke. And inside this elevator …

She looks up.

The lobby seems empty. Which is strange for a hotel. This isn’t a big one but still, there should be people here. Lexa looks down. There’s the small gap separating the elevator cabin from the carpet-covered floor outside, one red carpet running in a direct line to the exit doors. All she needs to do is follow it. Time for a choice, she tells her herself. Receiving Clarke’s message hasn’t made it one bit easier. Her hand still holding her cell phone is dangling by her side and she lifts it up, pressing the button to turn the display on so she can read the message once again. Tiger. Lexa wonders why Clarke calls her that. But she has an idea.

She has always considered herself a skilled lover. To experience a woman coming undone under her hands gives her so much pleasure, she just never wants it to stop. There’s nothing better than watching a girl come, she thinks to herself. Lexa slides her thumb across the display, adding Clarke’s number to her contact list. You never know.

It takes some effort, but she crosses the gap at last. She puts her phone back in her pocket and keeps her eyes on the exit. The empty reception is on her left and as she walks past, she hears someone call out to her from that direction. She quickens her steps, putting her head down and just going for it. It’s best if she’s not stopped now. She reaches the exit doors and almost runs into them. They won’t open. She looks up at the sensor, wondering if it hasn’t caught her. She steps back and tries again but the doors stay closed. She starts waving her arms, which makes her feel stupid and it doesn’t make a difference either. The doors won’t open for her.

She peers through the glass doors to see them blocked on the outside by a large sign. People walking by glance at it but keep going without paying attention to Lexa inside. As she starts looking around for another exit, she spots the note that is stuck to the glass on the inside. Typical for her not seeing it right away. She reads the few matter-of-fact sentences and reads them again because their meaning doesn’t seem to want to register with her. After reading it for a third time, her mouth drops open.

“What the –“

“Excuse me?”

Lexa nearly jumps at the sound of male voice. A middle aged man stands there, looking at her with a frown. He’s wearing a perfectly tailored suit and his bald head looks like it has been polished. His name tag identifies him as Titus and he looks unhappy.

“I’ll have to ask you to return to your room, Ma’am,” he says, looking Lexa over from head to toe. She shifts uncomfortably and tugs at her shirt. This is a top end hotel, quiet and cozy, and she doesn’t look like the regular clientele. Her hair is messy and she hasn’t cleaned up and she suspects he can tell. One of his eyebrows shoots up, pulling up the side of his upper lip to show his displeasure. The expression hangs there for moment while he blinks slowly, clearly trying to hold on to his composure.

“Please go back to your room.”

“Uh … what does this mean?” Lexa points at the note and his eyes follow along her finger to the door before making their way back up to her face. He purses his lips in annoyance. Lexa doesn’t like him.

“Quarantine,” he states.

“Quarantine,” Lexa repeats dumbly. “Why?”

He finally seems to snap out of his arrogance.

“Unfortunately, one of our guests had a …,” he looks for the right word, “condition that required him to be taken to hospital early this morning. We have been informed that there are tests needed to be run because … his condition could have been caused by a contagious virus. So we have been put under a protective quarantine for the time being. Nobody gets out, nobody gets in.”

Lexa’s phone vibrates in her pocket. She ignores it.

“What do you mean?” She has to leave. This can’t be happening.

“It means you need to return to your room. What is your room number?”

This. Can’t be happening.

She can’t be stuck in a hotel under quarantine when she doesn’t even belong here in the first place. She’s only visiting.

“I’m only visiting.”

His eyebrow shoots up again.

“Visiting?” He gives her another look over and by the slight tilt of his head she can tell she has dropped another couple of digits on his scale.

“A paid visit?” he asks, lowering his voice.

“A paid … WHAT?” He can’t be serious. Does she look like a hooker?

Lexa can feel anger boil in her stomach. This is getting more ridiculous by the second. She lets out an exasperated sigh. Her phone vibrates again, making her butt tingle.

“I’m not what you think. I’m visiting a friend. It’s just … umm … I only made that friend last night.”

He doesn’t say anything to that. He just gives her a long stare. Disapproval if Lexa has ever seen it. She doesn’t know if she wants to laugh or break out in tears. They’re still standing by the exit doors in an otherwise empty lobby. Just her and – she looks at his name tag again – Titus. What a name.

“Well, you will have to return to your room.”

Is he stupid? She doesn’t have a room, she just explained that to him. She could only return to Clarke’s room but really, she’d rather leave.

“If you’d just open the door for me, I’ll slip out and nobody has to know I was even here.”

Titus looks at her as if she has suggested a sacrilege. He shakes his head.

“What’s your room number?”

Lexa gives up. She walks past him and slumps into one of the plushy armchairs next to the exit. So here she is, stuck in a hotel with no way of getting out and all she wanted was some fun. Her phone vibrates again and she pulls it out to see Anya’s name on the display. Three missed calls. She picks up.

“Hey.”

“Where the hell are you? I’m waiting!”

“Uh … I ran into unexpected difficulties. I don’t think I’ll make it?”

“Are you asking me that?” Anya sounds really pissed off. “What happened?”

Lexa closes her eyes, running her fingers along her forehead. She twists a strand of hair around her index finger, a thing she does when she’s thinking. Anya thinks it makes her look cute which is why her hair is usually not loose like this.

“I went out last night and ended up with this girl at her hotel but there’s a lock down now, quarantine or something, and I can’t leave. Can you try and find out what’s going on? It’s the Ark Hotel.”

For a few seconds she hears nothing but a crackle on the line. Or maybe that’s Anya grinding her teeth.

“I’ll see what I can do. Lexa, you know what I think about your little adventures. Get out of there.”

“Yes, you never shut up about it, Anya. But you know, you’re not my mother and imagine, you don’t get to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do!”

That came out harsher than she had wanted. Her cousin is only worried about her, Lexa knows that. She’d much rather see her in a steady relationship. More than once has she told Lexa that her heart will not stop searching for the right one, no matter how many times Lexa tries to shut it down.

“Was she at least worth it?”

Lexa gets oddly angry at the question. She hasn’t known Clarke for long but yes, she seems special and yes, she might have been worth it. But Lexa isn’t going to think about that now.

“Also none of your business!” she tells Anya curtly.

There’s another pause.

“I see. So what do you want me to do now?”

“You know the limit, go for it. But make sure to talk to him first.”

“Alright.” She hears Anya’s sigh, then the line goes dead. Awesome.

“Ma’am?” Titus has made his way over and is gesturing for her to get up. “Please follow me to the front desk.”

Lexa slowly gets up again, suddenly feeling very tired. Titus makes his way to the end of the counter and opens a flap to get behind it. For a second, Lexa is tempted to ring the shiny bell that’s sitting on the counter, just to annoy him. But she doesn’t.

“What’s the name of your … acquaintance?” Titus asks, looking into his computer monitor.

“Clarke.”

He types something, then waits.

“There’s no Mr. Clark in the system. How do you spell the name?”

“Uh … it’s Clarke with an e at the end and it’s a first name. It’s a woman.”

Titus sets his jaw. His face still turned towards the monitor, he only twists his eyes to look at Lexa, probably wondering if there are negative digits on his scale. He starts typing again, scrolling through the result list and finally nods.

“Room 403. Would you like me to call in advance and announce your return?” He’s mocking her. She wants to pick up the little bell and throw it at him.

“No, that’s not necessary, thank you,” Lexa says with refined politeness. She puts on her most amiable smile before asking the next question.

“Is there a chance of getting a cup of coffee to take upstairs?”

Titus puts his hands on the counter and gives her another blank stare before nodding towards a double door off to the side.

“The breakfast room is through there. There’s coffee and food.”

“Great. Oh, and do you happen to have a spare toothbrush?” She smiles at him again.

Titus opens a drawer and takes out a small bag that he hands her.

“Our emergency set.”

Lexa takes it and thanks him, happy to be finally able to get away from him. The breakfast room is fully stocked with everything you could ever want for a breakfast. But nobody is in here eating it. She takes a small tray from the coffee counter and looks around. She finally settles for a couple of croissants and a thermos of coffee that she opens first to make sure it really is coffee. She adds two plates and two cups, then wonders if Clarke likes coffee at all. And if she does, how does she drink it? She puts sugar and milk on her little tray. As an afterthought, she grabs one of the little flower vases from one of the tables as well. They’re real flowers too. Nice touch. Satisfied with her choices, she leaves the breakfast room and makes her way back to the elevator.

The doors open as soon as she pushes the button. Of course. There’s nobody else here. The ride up only takes a few seconds and then Lexa balances the tray carefully along the corridor. It feels strange walking back to the room she left not so long ago. She reaches room 403.

It’s hard to believe that all rooms would be taken at the hotel so why didn’t she ask about her own room? Why had that thought not occurred to her? But here she is again. She balances the tray on her left hand and lifts the other one to knock.

What is she going to say? What will Clarke say? Lexa takes a deep breath. This is absurd. She braces herself and knocks. After seconds that feel like minutes to her, the door opens a crack and Clarke peaks out. She opens the door a little wider and looks out, scanning the corridor.

“Room service?” Lexa can’t stop her face from breaking into a huge smile. Her heart is threatening to jump out of her chest at the sight of the blonde woman dressed in just a t-shirt, hair just as messy as her own. She’s holding a toothbrush. She must have been in the bathroom.

“I’m really, really sorry about this. I can’t leave. I wanted to. I mean … I tried to but I can’t get out. Something about quarantine, the whole hotel has been closed down and everyone has to stay inside. I had to deal with a very unfriendly guy downstairs who thought I was a hooker when I couldn’t tell him my room number and I said I was just visiting a friend … you … and he thought you were a guy, can you imagine? So anyway, I brought some breakfast as a peace offering?”

Clarke finally steps aside and opens the door wide enough for Lexa to slip through with her tray. Putting it down on the bed for the moment, Lexa turns to see Clarke looking at her with an amused expression. She lifts her hand, telling Lexa to wait and disappears into the bathroom. Lexa hears the water run, then Clarke returns, wearing a dressing gown and wiping her mouth with a towel.

“We missed this when you left earlier.” She points at a piece of paper on the bedside table. “They slipped it in underneath the door. I only saw it when you had already left. Info about the quarantine.”

“So …”

“Yeah.”

Lexa picks up the thermos and holds it up.

“I didn’t know if you like coffee.”

Clarke smiles.

“I like the flowers.”

“The … yeah … me too. I mean, I … they’re pretty. Like you.” Oh, Lexa.

“Who are you?” Clarke asks with a frown.

“What do you mean?”

“What did you do to the awesome woman I spent the night with?”

“Ah … uh … sorry.” Lexa drops onto the bed, almost knocking over the contents on the tray.

Clarke finally moves and stops right in front of Lexa. She leans down, putting a finger under Lexa’s chin and lifting it up slightly.

“You’re babbling, tiger. Why do I make you so nervous? I’d really like to figure that out.”

She moves her hand to Lexa’s cheek and Lexa leans into it. Her own hand comes up to cup Clarke’s hand and holds it in place. It’s a simple gesture but it feels so comforting. Lexa closes her eyes, trying to come up with something to say but her mind has gone blank. She feels a kiss on the tip of her nose and it reminds her of the sun kissing her awake earlier this morning.

“Would you like to shower?”

Grateful for the suggestion, Lexa drops her hand and looks up at Clarke.

“That would be great.”

“Bathroom is all yours.” Clarke steps aside, letting Lexa pass.

She quickly closes the bathroom door behind her and leans against it. She can’t remember the last time she has been so tongue-tied around a woman. But Clarke never even blinks, all she does is reassuring and accepting and it’s driving Lexa crazy. It breaks down all her defenses.

She steps forward to the sink and turns on the tap. Brushing her teeth makes her feel a little better. Then she starts to undress, folding her clothes neatly and putting them on the little stool in the corner. Like everything else, the bathroom design is very tasteful. Large, dark tiles on the floor, running up the walls almost all the way to the ceiling. Lexa steps into a shower wide enough room for three and turns on the water. She turns her face up, letting the hot water wash over her skin and runs her hands through her hair. The shower gel she finds smells of almonds and feels wonderfully creamy on her skin.

“Do you mind?”

Clarke steps in behind her, moving close behind Lexa, not allowing her to turn around. She wraps her arms around Lexa, letting her hands slide through the almond foam and all across her body and leans in to kiss her neck. A small moan escapes Lexa’s throat as her front is being pressed against the cold glass. Clarke’s hands are all over her and she likes it. She likes it a lot. Clarke finally allows her to turn, kissing her hungrily, pushing her back against the shower wall while her hand slips between Lexa’s legs and right into her center.

“What are you doing to me?” Lexa manages to gasp, her arms coming up around Clarke’s neck, holding on to her for fear of her legs giving out under her. She’s losing control. It’s a tiny thought in her head, just flashing up once, like a warning, but it disappears among the flood of feelings that wash over her.

Clarke’s voice is so close to her ear, it’s almost inside of her.

“For now, I am planning to make you remember my name.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The seed has been planted and watered (literally) and now we get to watch it grow. In other words: they talk.

* * *

“So how did you get my number?”

Lexa has poured the coffee and to her delight, Clarke also only takes some milk, no sugar. Just like her. Now Lexa leans back against the headrest and watches her carefully take a sip. She can tell Clarke knows she’s watching her because she bites her lower lip to stifle a smile.

“Clarke?” Lexa asks softly.

“Hm?” She looks exceptionally cute with the towel wrapped around her. They’ve retreated to bed again to have their breakfast. Lexa wipes a few croissant crumbs from the sheets and adjusts the pillow behind her back to lean against it. She feels comfortably satisfied and clean at last. It hadn’t been the plan at all but Clarke joining her in the shower has quickly changed her mind on how much closeness she wants to allow. The whole thing confuses her though but for the moment, she decides not to dwell on it.

“How did you get my number?”

Clarke smirks, turning to look at Lexa. “You’re a deep sleeper. And you should really consider setting a login password.”

“Mhm.” Yes, she should. But right now, phone security is not at the forefront of her mind.

“I didn’t look at anything else in case you’re wondering.”

“I’m not actually. I don’t think you’d do that.”

“You know you can’t just run away again now, right?” Clarke looks into her cup, her voice quiet. Her nose dips down even further and Lexa almost doesn’t hear her next words. “Please don’t.”

Lexa scoots closer and takes the cup from Clarke, leaning past her to put both their cups on the bedside table.

“What are you talking about?” she asks, pushing Clarke’s hair behind her ear so she can see her face better.

“Ah, nothing, just that I’m technically no longer a one-night stand now.”

They’re both silent. Lexa leans in to kiss Clarke’s cheek. “You know what I like about you?”

She leans back, pulling Clarke with her. Clarke huddles up against her and rests her head on Lexa’s shoulder. Another wave of warmth flushes through Lexa.

“And what’s that?” Slipping her fingers underneath Lexa’s towel, Clarke scrapes her nails lightly across Lexa’s skin. The sensation makes the muscles in her stomach twitch, drawing a husky chuckle from Clarke.

“That, " Lexa says, playfully gritting her teeth. "I like that about you. You just go for it.”

“That’s usually your part, am I right? I’m not following your rules.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t.” Lexa reaches for her coffee again, taking a sip. Clarke shifts a little when Lexa moves but melts back against her when she stills again. They grow quiet but it’s not the uncomfortable kind of silence.

“I know nothing about you,” Clarke says eventually. “We could use this time to get to know each other.”

Lexa doesn’t say anything. Her coffee is almost cold and she empties the cup before putting it away.

“Does that make you feel uncomfortable?” Clarke asks tentatively.

Lexa looks down at her, sinking into Clarke’s eyes that hold her gaze openly. That’s what it is about Clarke. She’s open. Honest. There’s nothing fake about her. It’s been a while since Lexa met someone like that. Lexa has a hard time finding anything for the debit side. It just all adds up into plus. But then, they’ve known each other for less than 24 hours and part of that time they spent having sex or sleeping. This is the first time they’re actually talking.

“Lexa?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“How about I tell you something about me first!” Clarke sits up eagerly. “Ask me something.”

“Alright then,” Lexa says, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Why are you in town?”

“I’m a painter. I’m here for an opening, which is today actually. Unless our situation changes very soon, it’ll start without me.”

Lexa swallows hard.

“Your paintings?”

“It’s my first really big one. I talked to my agent this morning and she wasn’t happy. There’s a big buyer who wants to meet me. She said I’d better swing my butt over to entertain him. He’s probably some sleazy old guy and I really don’t want to entertain anyone but you right now.”

Lexa realizes she’s been staring at Clarke. She blinks slowly and lowers her gaze, smiling to herself.

“What?”

“I’ve scored a celebrity. You’re great entertainment by the way.”

It was meant as a joke but as soon as it’s out, Lexa realizes she should not have said that. Clarke presses her lips together tightly and looks at her hands.

“Wow.”

“Clarke, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I didn’t mean you’re just entertainment.” Lexa reaches for Clarke’s hand, lightly entwining their fingers. She brings it up to her lips and presses a gentle kiss to the palm. Clarke turns her head away from her and Lexa can see her swallowing a few times.

“Clarke?”

“Hm.”

“Hey!” Lexa tugs at Clarke’s hand to get her to look at her. When she finally does, the look in her eyes is different.

“I’m not a celebrity. I’ve always made a point of staying off the stage. That’s just not for me. My agent deals with all that. I only want to paint and if someone likes it and wants to pay money for it, great. Actually, the only reason some people find my art interesting is because nobody knows what I look like. You know Banksy? I’m a female version of him. I’m only here because that guy really has a lot of money and he wants to buy pretty much everything. I can do with some money.”

Clarke opens her mouth as if she wants to say more but closes it again. She hasn’t looked at Lexa at all. The wall between them is almost tangible and all Lexa wants is make it go away again. She can’t blame Clarke for closing up given that she just offended her by telling her she was just a past-time.

“I say stupid things sometimes. You can punch me,” she offers and turns her chin.

That makes Clarke snort. She sighs deeply. “You’re an asshole, I was right about that.”

“Yeah. But I’d really like to press rewind and try again,” Lexa says and hangs her head. At least Clarke hasn’t pulled her hand away and Lexa runs her thumb across the back of it now. They sit like that for a while until she feels the wall slowly melting away.

“I’m really sorry.”

Clarke moves in, hesitant at first but when Lexa looks up, Clarke wraps her arms around her neck to pull her into a deep kiss. This one feels different. This one has a different meaning than those before. This one matters.

“You didn’t mean it the way it came out, right?” Clarke breathes between kissing her. “I can feel it.”

Lexa moves against her, carefully maneuvering them into a lying position and reaches for the blanket to cover them. She hadn’t thought there was a weakness in Clarke. Her own weaknesses are being uncovered one by one by this beautiful blonde angel, but now, the closer they were getting, Clarke allows her to peel away a few layers too.

She reaches for the knot that holds Clarke’s towel in place. After a bit of fumbling, it gives. She can feel Clarke’s hands pulling at hers, tugging at it impatiently and she smiles. Moves on top of Clarke, hardly breaking the kiss. And then she stops moving altogether. She can feel Clarke everywhere, all the way down to her toes. As if this new-found vulnerability finally allows them to see each other for the first time. When Lexa moves again, Clarke moves with her, flooding her, pulling back only to rush in again.

Lexa takes her time exploring parts of Clarke’s body that she hasn’t paid enough attention to yet. She enjoys the tiny whimpers that Clarke emits when she kisses her neck. Her breathing changes whenever Lexa’s hands tighten their grip on her and she throws back her head, arching her back when Lexa enters her, slowly thrusting two fingers into her. It leaves them both breathless, sweeping them away until Lexa can’t tell them apart anymore.

She holds her afterwards. Burying her face against Clarke’s back, she begins to feel drowsy. This is what she’s been running away from and it’s happening with someone she hardly knows. They each must have been looking for something last night. Lexa knows she was only looking for some fun. Clarke might have been looking for the same. And now here they are, wrapped in each other’s arms and it’s getting harder and harder to let go. A little voice in her head tells her to get a grip. But she can maybe live with hurting someone she doesn’t care about. She would be lying though if she said she didn’t care about Clarke by now. That was just not true any longer. Anya would be delighted if she knew.

Lexa inhales the scent of Clarke’s skin, kissing the spot softly, her movements slowing almost to a stop. Before she can doze off completely, Clarke turns in her arms, touching her forehead to Lexa’s.

“I thought you said you don’t do cuddling.”

“Mhm,” Lexa mumbles, her lips brushing against Clarke’s mouth. Clarke responds, she parts her lips slightly, breathing into Lexa’s mouth. Clarke’s hand moves to the back of Lexa’s head, pulling her even closer.

“We have to get up. We can’t stay in bed all day.” Clarke smiles into their kiss, gently pushing at Lexa’s shoulder.

“You don’t call me tiger for nothing.” Lexa leans in again, her voice low and breathy.

Lexa thinks Clarke’s laugh is wonderful. It sounds earthy and real and Lexa feels it in her stomach. Clarke sits up and moves to get out of bed.

“I was beginning to think you’re only a cuddly little kitten. But here I hear the tiger roar again.”

She just barely manages to dodge the pillow Lexa throws at her.

By the time they finally manage to put on some clothes, it’s late afternoon and Lexa’s stomach is grumbling. She makes Clarke call Titus and inquire about room service. To her surprise, he politely takes Clarke’s order and a little while later, a knock on the door announces the arrival of their sandwiches. ‘With compliments’ it says on a little card. Paid visit. She’s never going to forgive him for that.

They eat in silence, sharing only occasional glances as if to make sure they’re really awake. It feels like that to Lexa.

“So why did you want to run away this morning? What were you scared of?”

The question comes as a surprise. She takes the last bite of her sandwich, chews and swallows before answering.

“Would you accept ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ as an answer?”

“Not really,” Clarke says as she finishes her food and licks her fingers clean.

“I don’t have the time for a relationship.”

Clarke raises an eyebrow to that. “That’s usually a really lame excuse.”

“I don’t believe in love anymore.”

Clarke takes the plate from Lexa, studying her. “What makes you jump from a fun night to love?”

Yeah, what does? Maybe the fact that it’s almost impossible not to fall in love with Clarke?

“The idea of love scares me. It’s too demanding. It takes too much from you. So I try to avoid it.”

There it is. Lexa keeps her eyes on the floor, afraid to look up. She has never talked about it with anyone other than Anya and she doesn’t know why she feels it’s okay to talk to Clarke about it. Next thing she feels is Clarke’s arms around her. She pulls her in, resting her cheek on Lexa’s head.

“Love never hurts, baby. It just doesn’t. If it does, it’s not love,” she says quietly, her breath blowing over Lexa’s hair.

“So what is this?”

“Does it hurt?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Lexa says, choking back some tears. She’s not sure she likes the turn of events.

Clarke starts running her hand through Lexa’s hair, like she did this morning. The effect it has on Lexa is the same too. She snuggles closer and buries her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck. Putting her arms around Clarke, she holds her tight.

“It’s okay,” Clarke whispers. “I’m confused too.”

She leans back, pulling Lexa down with her without letting go.

“Why don’t we just … make it up as we go? Don’t be scared of me.”

Lexa tries to crawl into her and growls when she finds it’s not possible. She doesn’t want to speak, Clarke has just said it all anyway. And it’s been years since she allowed herself to feel what she feels now. She slides her hand underneath Clarke’s shirt, just to feel her skin, soft and warm against her palm.

“I want to know so much more about you,” she says quietly.

The sound of Lexa’s phone vibrating is an unwelcome reminder that there is a world outside of their embrace. Lexa has always hated that sound. Why does vibrating need to make a sound? It’s supposed to be felt and not heard.

“Ugh, I should pick that up. Probably my cousin.” She kisses Clarke. “Don’t move.”

She grabs her phone and slides her thumb across the display to take the call.

“Hi.”

“Are you still at the hotel?”

“Yeah. Of course. Did you find out what’s happening?”

“I called in a few favors.” That’s such a typical thing for Anya to say. While Lexa waits for Anya to continue, she looks over to Clarke who has indeed not moved at all. Her smile is angelic. She almost doesn’t catch Anya speaking again.

“They are still waiting for the last test results from the guy from your hotel. My friend at the hospital thinks they exaggerated a little putting the whole place under quarantine but that’s how it is. All tests so far have come back negative and the guy hasn’t died. I think you’ll be okay.”

“Oh, thanks. Did you actually worry about me?”

“Not really.”

Lexa rolls her eyes.

“She’s a pain in the ass,” she says as quietly as possible in Clarke’s direction, making Clarke giggle, but she has underestimated Anya’s acute ear.

“What did you say?”

“Uh … nothing. So is there any estimate on when we’ll get out of here?”

“We? Wait. You’re with her again?”

“Yes, but safely tucked away inside a hotel room. Don’t panic.”

“I bet. Oh, and the whole event was cancelled. Obviously.”

“Yeah, I thought that might happen. Are they going to reschedule it?”

“Probably. I’m going to talk to Raven later about it. On the plus side, you saved some money.”

“Yeah, but the offer still stands, tell her that. Thanks for the update. I hope to see you soon.”

“That would be a first.”

“I love you too, idiot.” With a grin, Lexa hangs up.

“That was Anya. My cousin and my business partner. She called to tell me that a meeting has been cancelled. Nothing important.”

She puts her phone away and crawls back onto the bed to resume her position in Clarke’s arms.

“She also called the hospital where they took the guy that caused our lock down here,” she tells Clarke as she snuggles up to her again. “He’s okay, she says it’s not as bad as they made it sound. Maybe we should go downstairs to check if the lovely Titus has any news.”

“To be honest, I don’t mind the lock down at all.” Clarke says softly, closing her eyes.

“I don’t either.”

With her face looking so soft, Clarke looks younger than she is. Lexa can just make out a few tiny laugh lines in the corners of her eyes. She instantly likes them. She puts her finger to the tip of Clarke’s nose, causing her to wrinkle it which makes her look even more beautiful.

“You have the cutest nose,” Lexa tells her. She puts her head on Clarke’s chest where she can feel the softness of her breast against her cheek. For a while, Lexa listens to Clarke’s even breathing. Just as she begins to wonder if she has fallen asleep, Clarke speaks.

“What business do you work in?”

“Oh, that’s so boring,” Lexa groans. “Investments basically.”

Clarke makes an impressed face. “You don’t look like a business woman.”

“Yeah, a lot of people think that. But I’m actually pretty good at it.” She winks at Clarke and leans in to start peppering fast, feather light kisses across her lips, not giving Clarke a chance to do anything else but laugh. When she stops, Clarke looks at her happily.

“I could just stay like this forever.” Lexa could not have put it better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s only so much you can do when you’re stuck in a hotel room with a person you don’t really know that well … and Lexa is still not sure how she feels about the growing closeness. So when Clarke suggests they get out of the room for a bit, Lexa is all for it. Something she might regret later.

* * *

Lexa has done her best to tidy up the room, something they hadn’t paid attention to at all. Now she stands with her arms on her hips, looking around. The room is spacious and looks very comfortable but she feels the strain of the confinement. The bed is made, the trays with cups and plates are outside. It’s good for now. Not much more she can do. She turns to find Clarke rummaging through her bag, humming to herself.

“You haven’t unpacked yet?” Pointing out the obvious, Lexa watches as Clarke pulls out various items and stuffs them back inside. It makes her chuckle because it’s very much unlike her.

“And you’re a messy packer too, damn.”

“I only got here yesterday.” Clarke gives her a huff and Lexa briefly wonders if she has overstepped. That probably sounded impudent. Jeez, when did she start to weigh every single word like that?

“And it was only supposed to be for a couple of nights anyway.” Clarke’s voice breaks into her thoughts. “Thanks to my mystery admirer. Good thing I always pack way too much.”

Seeing Clarke pull a sweater from the bag reminds Lexa that she’s been wearing the same clothes since last night. She lifts one arm as casually as possible, runs her fingers through her hair and has a quick sniff at her armpits. Yeah, not so fresh anymore. The stale odors of a night at the club: faint hints of spilled alcohol and the light but distinct smell of cold sweat.

Her shirt would have been fine for the night out and the way home in the morning. But now she’s been here for much longer than she had intended already and she has no idea when they’ll be allowed to leave. It means she needs clothes. She can’t stand wearing these much longer.

“I need some fresh clothes too,” she mumbles. “I am so not prepared to hang around here for so long.”

After digging around in her bag some more, Clarke gives an approving little whistle. “Try this, it might fit you.” She throws something black at Lexa.

Lexa catches it before it lands in her face and holds it up. It’s a plain button down shirt, probably a little wide but it’ll work. Lexa pulls her smelly shirt over her head and puts it on one of the chairs before slipping into the black shirt. It smells nice. It smells like Clarke.

“This smells like you.” Before she can stop herself, she has buried her nose in the fabric.

When she looks up again, Clarke is right in front of her. She reaches for Lexa’s shirt and starts doing up the buttons. It’s another of those small things Clarke does that could feel too close but somehow they don’t. They still don’t know how to be in each other’s space though. Watching her close the last buttons, Lexa notices a slight blush creeping into Clarke’s cheeks as she feels Lexa’s eyes on her.

“All done.” Clarke pats Lexa’s shoulders, straightening out the shirt that hangs a bit loose on Lexa’s slim frame and taking a step back. Before she can move out of her space, Lexa reaches for Clarke’s hands, lifting first one and then the other to press a soft kiss to them before she lets go. In response, Clarke brushes some stray hair from Lexa’s face, leaning in for a kiss and is rewarded with a tiny whimper. The easy intimacy of actions like that makes Lexa’s head swim. She slips her arms around Clarke and feels her lean into her.

“I’m going to give my agent a quick call to see if she has calmed down,” Clarke murmurs into her shoulder.

“Okay,” Lexa says softly, letting go of her.

While Clarke sits down on the edge of the bed and starts to talk quietly on her cell phone, Lexa moves to the window. Life out there is the same it always is. The sun is beginning to set, shedding orange light across the buildings. She would love to go to the sea sometime soon to watch the sunset there. It’s always so much more spectacular than it is in the city. Maybe one day soon.

“The opening has been re-scheduled for next month. That’s good!” Clarke has ended her call. “I’d started to worry about getting the stuff back to my place. It’s so expensive to move art and I wasn’t sure if the costs would be covered for the way back too. It was pretty much all supposed to stay here.”

It takes a moment before Clarke’s words make their way into Lexa’s mind. She finally manages to tear her eyes away from the world outside and turns around to see Clarke stretch her arms above her head and twist her upper body carefully, giving a mild groan.

“I’m so stiff. Come on, let’s get out of this room for a bit.”

Lexa nods and makes her way around the bed towards the door.

“I was going to call Anya anyway and ask her to bring a few clothes for me. I can’t keep wearing yours and you don’t have that much anyway. She should be able to get here quickly. So yeah, let’s go, I’ll call from downstairs and we can wait for her there.”

She reaches for the doorknob.

“Let me just clean up a bit.”

A couple of minutes later Clarke emerges again from the bathroom with her hair up in a messy bun, looking absolutely adorable. Lexa can just picture her in her studio with a brush between her teeth and another one in her hand, paint-covered shirt, barefoot, working on her paintings.

“You look like a true painter now.”

At that, Clarke tilts her head and squints.

“I wonder,” she starts and her eyes dart across Lexa’s face, “would you sit for me? You’re beautiful and I would love to try and capture what I see. All those emotions in your eyes. You have the most stunning eyes.”

She’s looking straight into Lexa’s eyes now, chewing on her lower lip. Lexa opens her mouth but closes it again because she can feel her heart beating in her throat and it’s threatening to jump out. She exhales slowly, fighting down a sudden shyness.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll do that,” she finally manages to say and closes the distance between them, making Clarke smile happily. She reaches for Clarke’s hand. Warmth floods through her at the touch and Lexa feels her breathing come a little easier again. Nothing is really easy about this but she can dream, can’t she?

“Come on, let’s go.”

Half expecting the door to be locked, Lexa slowly turns the doorknob. Of course it’s not locked. They’re not under arrest. Lexa tuts at herself and opens the door. They walk along the corridor, the sound of their steps swallowed by the thick carpet. Clarke’s hand feels good in hers and she interlocks their fingers. From the corner of her eye, she can see Clarke quietly smiling to herself. Maybe she feels the same way. Just maybe this could be true.

The elevator takes them down to the lobby which is as empty as the last time Lexa was here. The front desk is deserted too. It all makes for an eerie vacuum in a place that should be full of life. It’s as if time itself has stopped.

“I’ll go see if anyone is there,” Clarke says after they have stood in the void for a moment and lets go of Lexa’s hand to walk over to the front desk. She rings the little silver bell and in an instant, a cranky looking Titus emerges from a room at the back. He stops dead when he sees Lexa, who stands a little further away. Looking her over from head to toe once again he purses his lips and turns his attention to Clarke. Uh, a minus 3 at least.

“Ms Griffin, what can I do for you?” Lexa flinches. She sits down in one of the lobby armchairs to make her call. It rings a few times before a grumpy Anya picks up.

“Hey, do you think you can bring over some clothes for me. I haven’t brought a change.”

“Obviously.”

“Come on, Anya, help me out.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time. Are you allowed to open a door?”

“Just checking. Hang on.”

Lexa gets up and approaches the front desk just as Clarke puts the questions to Titus.

“Is it possible for my friend to have a change of clothes brought in?” She smiles at Titus sweetly. His eyes dart over to Lexa and his brows furrow. She feels the urge again to pick up the bell and throw it at him. She has good aim. She wouldn’t miss. It would hurt.

Titus looks back at Clarke. Good for him.

“Of course. If you have them taken to the main entrance, I can bring them in and take them up to your room.”

“We’d rather wait, if that’s okay. We’ve been in our room all day, it’s nice to be out for a few minutes. I’m sure you understand.”

Titus opens his mouth and closes it again, nodding slowly.

“Of course.”

It must be that smile. Lexa knows what it does. She has not been able to form a clear thought all day.

Clarke looks over her shoulder to extent the nod to Lexa.

“Anya? I need underwear and a pair of pants and a couple of shirts. Oh, and grab some bathroom stuff, too. And a sleep shirt.”

“What are you going to need that for?”

“Anya –“

“Whatever. I’ll be there in 20. At the most.”

She hangs up. Clarke is still talking to Titus so Lexa starts to walk around the lobby. It really is a nice place. She remembers Anya talking about it a few times but Lexa has never been here before. It’s a little too plushy for her taste. She does like all the plants though, tall leafy green everywhere.

She keeps walking until she reaches the tall windows going out front. Anya is nowhere to be seen yet but she can’t be that fast. Oh, her cousin is going to be so pissed. There’s so much they’d need to do and she hates leaving it all to Anya. One of the plants would be a great hiding place for when Anya shows up. She’ll deal with everything once she can leave. There really isn’t anything she can do right now. There’s only …

“What’s up?

Clarke’s voice startles her out of her thoughts. Seeing the look on Lexa’s face, Clarke steps in close. Her hand comes up to cup Lexa’s cheek and giving her another of those deep looks, she sweeps her thumb across Lexa’s lips.

“Lost in thought again?”

She would kiss Clarke now weren’t it for a set of eyes watching them from the front desk. She pulls Clarke behind a tall plant and out of sight and presses a soft kiss to her lips.

“It’s okay, I just feel a little caged. I like my freedom.”

“You’re stuck with me, that’s not so bad, is it?” Oh, that sweet smile. Lexa can’t take her eyes off it. She shakes her head slowly, staring into Clarke’s eyes.

“Are your eyes green or grey?” Clarke suddenly asks her.

“Umm … a bit of both, depends on the light.”

“I’m really going to have to paint you, you know.” Clarke lifts her chin and moves in, kissing her with a fervor Lexa quickly gets lost in. If being stuck means being stuck with Clarke, she’s fine with it. The closer the better.

A sudden loud knock on the window behind them makes Lexa jump. It’s Anya, holding up a small bag. She looks at Lexa, then over at Clarke and back at Lexa. Instantly, Lexa lets go of Clarke.

“That’s Anya.”

Clarke lifts her hand to wave but Anya doesn’t greet her back. Rude, and Lexa will have to talk to her cousin about it. They hear Titus approach, keys jingling in his hand. He unlocks the door and slides it open just wide enough so Anya can slip Lexa’s bag through. Titus moves to take it but Anya jerks it away from him and holds it out for Lexa.

As Lexa reaches for it, Anya hisses at her under her breath, quietly so the others won’t hear.

“I need you out of there. He’s been asking questions and I’m running out of lies to tell him. I’m not going to let you jeopardize everything we’ve worked for and prove him right again. Stop thinking with your pussy.”

She glares at Lexa, who stands frozen, knuckles turning white around the handle of the bag. Anya still has a firm grip on it. Now she lets go. Her eyes flicker over to Clarke and back to Lexa. She lowers her voice even more.

“Remember what we’re doing this for! Remember Costia.”

At that she turns and walks away, not taking notice of Lexa’s suddenly ashen face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After having to open up about a part of her past that she would have rather kept quiet, Lexa makes a tough choice that will affect the both of them. It may not be the best one.

* * *

This must be what being punched in the gut feels like. She can’t breathe. The bag drops to the floor, her hands come up searching for something to hold on to. When she doesn’t find anything, she bends forward, hands on her thighs, to wait for it to pass. She feels nauseous. Clarke is by her side in an instant.

“What’s wrong?”

Lexa looks up at her. It’s been a while and she thought she was safe but the signs are there. A panic attack is really not something she wants right now. The tightness in her chest makes it hard to breathe deeply but she tries to focus on Clarke’s face, holding on to her eyes. Clarke says something but her voice is only a murmur in the distance. Lexa can’t hear her through the noise whirling in her ears. She goes down onto her knees.

Then she feels Clarke stroking her cheeks, her hands on either side of her face. That helps. The tunnel that was threatening to close in on her widens again. Lexa can hear her.

“It’s okay, I’m here.”

Clarke’s voice is calm, quiet. Lexa is forcing her breaths to go deeper, all the way down into her stomach. Eventually, the trembling subsides.

Lexa hears Titus’ voice behind her. “Are you alright? Do you need help?”

And she hears Clarke respond. “No, thank you, we’re good.”

He remains standing there, looking at Lexa. “I should call a doctor.”

“No,” Lexa croaks. “Just go away.”

He frowns at that but gets the message. As he walks away his heels click on the stone floor and are finally muted by the carpet.

“What was that?”

Lexa puffs her cheeks and exhales. Clarke helps her get up, supporting her with surprising strength.

“Nothing,” Lexa says flatly when she finally stands. She looks around. Titus is nowhere to be seen. “I’ll tell you upstairs. I need to get away from here.”

They make their way to the elevator in silence. Clarke has taken the bag, refusing to let Lexa carry it herself. She has her other arm around Lexa and after a few steps, Lexa realizes that’s probably a good idea. Her legs feel a little shaky.

“You really scared me there for a moment.”

The elevator doors close and Lexa leans her back against the wall, closing her eyes. When she opens them again, Clarke is looking at her from the other side of the cabin. Lexa tries to put on a smile that doesn’t feel like it works. The truth is, she feels anything but strong right now.

That was uncalled for. How dare Anya use Costia against her now? She holds on to the handrail behind her, gripping the cold metal with her sweaty hands as tightly as she can. Anything to help her get this cloud in her head to dissolve.

“Lexa?”

Oh god. This must be the worst date ever. Breaking down in front of the one you want to impress. Well done. The elevator pings.

“Come on.” Clarke picks up the bag again and holds out her hand. Lexa keeps her eyes on the floor all the way to the room and waits, still breathing heavily, for Clarke to open the door. Once inside, she walks straight into the bathroom and closes the door behind her. She turns on the tap, slapping cold water into her face. She looks pale in the mirror. Not liking the image much, she looks away. Right now, she just wants to lie down, hide under a blanket and think nothing until all this goes away again.

There’s a knock on the door and then Clarke’s voice.

“Are you alright in there? Anything I can do?”

Lexa reaches for a towel to dry her face. She opens the door to find Clarke standing outside looking as lost as Lexa feels.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa’s voice is cracking. She takes a step towards Clarke and stops. It’s Clarke who closes the distance and wraps her arms around her.

“Do you … want to talk about it?” Lexa catches the slight pause. She presses her face into the crook of Clarke’s neck. She’s a little taller and she’s probably stronger too but right now, Lexa feels small and weak. Clarke seems to pick up on that because she tightens her hold briefly before she leads Lexa over to the window. She makes her sit down in one of the chairs and slumps into the other. Then she looks at Lexa anxiously.

“I’d much rather not talk about it,” Lexa starts, her voice trailing off and she pauses to look at her hands. “But I guess that was a little too weird.”

She hasn’t noticed the color of the curtains before. They match the color of Clarke’s eyes perfectly. Eyes that look at her expectantly now. Lexa takes another deep breath.

“Three years ago, my girlfriend died.” Lexa’s voice sounds hollow. She fiddles with a piece of fluff on the armrest, trying to pluck it off but her fingernails are too short. Staring at her fingers for a moment, she turns her hand over to look at her palm. When she looks back up, there’s a small crease between Clarke’s eyebrows but other than that, her face is unreadable.

“I … we had a fight and she left. I should have gone after her. I shouldn’t have fought with her in the first place. Costia was …,” Lexa stops because she doesn’t have the breath to continue. She inhales slowly, exhales again.

“She had asked me to do something for her and … I had forgotten about it … and when I came home I got mad because she got mad at me.” Her voice breaks again. “I yelled at her and she left.”

Clarke hasn’t moved and blinks a few times now. Her eyes are still on Lexa’s face and when she stops talking, Clarke reaches out to put her hand over one of the fists Lexa hadn’t noticed she was making in her lap.

“Costia took the car and … she must have gone too fast. They weren’t sure what happened. She wasn’t there when I woke up the next morning.” The sound forming in her throat resembles a sob but that can’t be right.

“She never came back.”

“Lexa –“

Her face is wet. Lexa shakes her head angrily. She hasn’t cried before and she doesn’t want to now. She still remembers the cops on her doorstep, asking her if she was a relative. The sudden numbness with which she nodded and explained they were spouses. Only to have them tell her she was dead. She remembers closing the door, cutting them off, going back upstairs and back to bed. Anya coming over eventually, letting herself in with the spare key a couple of days later after she hadn’t been able to get a hold of Costia. Anya getting Lexa out of bed and cleaning her up. Feeding her. And the anger. She remembers the anger. The only thing that has stuck with her through those last three years.

Lexa had thought she had worked through it by now. But here she is. Crying. Still angry at herself. She closes her eyes, swallowing a few times to stop the burning in her throat.

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa doesn’t dare to look at her.

“There’s no need to be sorry.” Clarke’s voice is soft and Lexa opens her eyes again. Clarke leans back into her chair, moving out of her space. Lexa tries to hold on to Clarke’s hand before she is out of reach but isn’t quick enough. Her outstretched hand hangs in the air for a moment before she drops it again.

“It explains a lot,” Clarke says pensively, folding her arms.

Yeah, it does. Lexa has never been naïve enough to believe her preference for one-night stands was anything other than the fear or bonding again and losing it. Merely a bandage to cover the wound. And it had worked well. Until now.

“I’m only a distraction for you, aren’t I?”

Lexa’s head is a chaos. Unable to find the words she’s looking for, Lexa slowly shakes her head.

“It’s different. With you.”

“How is this different?” Clarke pulls up her shoulders in a shrug. “You wanted to run away this morning and if I hadn’t stopped you, you would have forgotten about me by now.”

She’s doing her best to stop her voice from cracking but Lexa heard it anyway.

“No. I wouldn’t have.” Lexa says helplessly. “I wouldn’t have,” she repeats, leaning forward and reaching to cover Clarke’s hands with her own.

“I’m not sure I believe you.” Clarke’s voice sounds hard, pronouncing each word very clearly. Only her flaring nostrils give her away. The silence that follows threatens to weigh Lexa down.

“What are we going to do now?” she whispers. Her head feels heavy. Unable to hold it up, she lets it drop.

“What do you want to do?” Clarke asks. Lexa feels Clarke’s hand on the back of her head, slowly running her fingers through her hair once before the hand stills. Lexa wants her to keep going, and moves her head to encourage the fingers to continue but they disappear.

“I’m sad. I really thought we had something,” Clarke says after a while.

“We do.” Lexa swallows and sits up. “But if you want nothing more to do with me, I understand. I’m clearly psycho.”

“Lexa, this isn’t only about you, you know.”

Clarke shakes her head. They fall silent again. It’s Clarke who finally speaks again.

“We all have our demons haunting us. The question is, do we let them pull us down or do we rise above them.”

Lexa gives a bitter laugh.

“I thought I was soaring.” Her throat feels dry. She’s not sure if it’s anger or grief or if it’s the fact that she probably just turned the best thing that has happened to her in three years into a pile of ash. Strike a match and watch it burn.

Right on cue, the room’s phone rings.

“Oh, not now,” Clarke groans and moves to pick it up. She listens quietly and mutters a ‘thank you’ before she slowly puts the receiver down again. She looks frail when she turns back towards Lexa.

“What happened?” Lexa can tell something is wrong. Something _else_ is wrong.

“The quarantine has been lifted.”

Lexa stares at her. It has been at the back of her mind all day. She had hoped it would catch up to them at a better moment. She isn’t done yet. She hasn’t fixed this yet. What if this is different? What if her heart is right? What if she takes a risk? If is such a lousy word to live by. She doesn’t want to think about it anymore, it makes her head hurt.

“So, that’s it, huh?” Clarke asks quietly, avoiding Lexa’s eyes.

No. Not like this.

Two determined strides bring her face to face with Clarke and without stopping, Lexa pulls her in and kisses her fiercely.

“You said you didn’t want to hurt me.” Clarke pulls away to look at her.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes.”

Lexa kisses her again. Softly at first, her hand coming up to Clarke’s cheek and moving to the back of her neck, pouring her longing to the kiss. There’s little finesse to it as Lexa tries to control her emotions and fails. The kiss is open mouth and tongue, devouring more than caressing. It’s full of ache. It hurts as much as it heals. Lexa finally feels Clarke really kiss her back, moaning into her mouth. Lexa grabs a fistful of Clarke’s hair, pulling at it, and then runs her hand down Clarke’s back to tug at her shirt and slide both hands inside until she finally touches bare skin.

The sensation turns off most of Lexa’s overloaded senses, leaving her with just the urge to be closer to Clarke. It's unbearable and uncontainable at the same time. She needs her. Lexa hears herself whimper into the kiss.

“Make it go away again,” Clarke mumbles, biting into Lexa’s lower lip before stumbling backwards and pulling Lexa down with her onto the bed. Lexa almost loses her balance but Clarke doesn’t let go and pulls her on top of her, feeding Lexa with a hungry kiss of her own. Heat flushes through Lexa’s body, making her head spin.

“Are you sure?” She asks warily.

Clarke kisses her, her tongue swiping against Lexa’s, hands roaming all across her body in response to her question.

“Shut up.”

They fumble with their clothes go get rid of them, leaving them panting between greedy kisses. Lexa can feel herself being swept up by a tidal wave she doesn’t want stop anymore. Her hands are not enough to touch Clarke the way she wants to. Holding down Clarke’s wrists, she pins her to the mattress to marvel at the sight of the breathless, beautiful woman below her. She lets go again, smiling when she sees Clarke leaving her arms where they are, arching her back to push up her chest, holding Lexa’s gaze. She leans down to scatter kisses across every bit of Clarke’s skin she can reach, her lips tingling at the touch.

She cannot wait any longer. Sitting up to straddle Clarke, she watches Clarke’s eyes follow her every move. Lexa grinds down her hips, enjoying the sight of Clarke’s mouth dropping open and her tongue coming out to wet her lips. Lexa slows her movements, enjoying the rising heat and leans forward slightly, putting her hands on Clarke’s breasts, kneading them gently. Clarke rewards her with a soft moan, keeping her eyes locked on Lexa’s face. For a moment, all that can be heard is their breathing. She presses harder and runs her thumbs across the erect nipples, then finally leans in to suck on them hard. Clarke gasps, either from the sharp pain or from desire and it turns Lexa on even more. Clarke’s hips push up to meet her, her fingers digging into Lexa’s thighs. The luscious sounds coming from Clarke fuel Lexa’s hunger even more.

Covering Clarke’s body with her own and slides her hand between Clarke’s thighs, entering her with two fingers, thrusting a few times and making Clarke cry out in pleasure. Not enough. She needs to taste her. Moving down swiftly, she pushes Clarke’s legs further apart and runs her tongue through the wetness, greedily drinking up all of the juices.

“Oh god, Lexa, don’t stop.”

Lexa flattens her tongue and licks at Clarke’s pulsating clit, slowly at first but quickening her pace soon. She can’t get enough of her. She doesn’t want to. Clarke’s hands are in her hair, holding her mouth in place, her thighs clamping around her head and Lexa obliges, licking faster, pushing her fingers inside again to thrust and curl and stroke along the slippery walls. She finds the spot Clarke seems to enjoy the most and presses against it, making Clarke’s hips buckle up and pushes her mouth down harder, forming a seal with her lips to suck at Clarke’s clit. Lexa sets a quick rhythm of sucking and releasing, thrusting in and pulling out, enjoying the sound of Clarke’s moans becoming louder and lingering longer until she feels her walls tighten around her fingers. She holds them there, letting her tongue move against the hard bud, lapping up all of Clarke’s juices, eating up her lust.

Clarke isn’t quiet, Lexa knows, but this is new. When she finally releases, Lexa can’t help herself but smile. Clarke’s body goes rigid, all her muscles locking, trying to hold back but failing and she starts thrashing, almost crushing Lexa’s head between her thighs. She moves one arm between her head and a leg to allow her more space, but she doesn’t want to stop yet. Her fingers still but her tongue continues to lick gently until the waves subside and Lexa can feel Clarke’s stomach muscles contract violently a few times as they relax.

Lexa feels lightheaded as she moves up again. Clarke’s wetness is all over her face and she takes a moment to wipe it on the sheets and catch her breath. Clarke has turned on her side and pulled up her legs. Lexa brings up the covers before snuggling up to her. She loves the feeling of this and if her heart was anything to go by right now, she would say she loves Clarke too.

“Mhm,” is all she hears when she presses a soft kiss to Clarke’s shoulder. Lexa’s lips form the words silently against her warm skin. Just to say them once. Another shudder ripples through Clarke’s body and Lexa tightens her arms around her.

“I just need a moment.”

“I’m here. Take all the time you need.”

It only takes a minute. Smiling quietly, Lexa notices Clarke has fallen asleep. She closes her eyes, feeling the exhaustion take over her body. She presses her nose into Clarke’s hair, inhaling deeply. She can dream, can’t she. Just once. That this could be hers.

When her phone buzzes, Lexa quickly slips her hand underneath the pillow to turn it off. Slowly and very cautiously, she gets out of bed. Morning has not broken yet. She puts on her old pair of jeans and hesitates before getting into Clarke’s shirt. She’ll return it. She can’t open the bag with her clothes now, it would wake Clarke. When she’s done, she stands in the darkness, watching the quiet figure underneath the covers. Clarke stirs and her hand comes out from under the covers, searching for Lexa. When she doesn’t find her, she groans and lifts her head, finding Lexa standing there.

“Where are you going?” she asks sleepily.

“Just the bathroom, go back to sleep,” Lexa replies quietly and Clarke groans once more, her head dropping back down to the pillow.

“You wore me out. You’ll pay for that.” The last bit only a mumble, making Lexa smile again.

She waits a moment before grabbing her bag and opening the bathroom door to turn on the light inside. She closes it again, catching a last glimpse of Clarke’s blonde hair spread out on the pillow in the harsh light.

Another few minutes pass until she’s sure Clarke has fallen asleep again. Carefully, she opens the other door. Stepping out into the dimly lit corridor she pulls the door shut quietly behind her.

That’s it.

It’s still dark when she leaves the hotel. The lump in her throat makes it difficult to swallow. It’s not the right time. She’s not ready. And she can’t do this to Clarke.

She starts walking and pulls out her cell phone. Anya doesn’t pick up so she leaves a message, telling her they need to talk. But first, she needs to go home. She signals a cab and as it takes her further and further away from Clarke, her mind begins to clear. 

Oh fuck.

She feels sick.

Fuck!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets Anya’s new friend and learns what’s really behind her cousin’s strange behavior at the hotel. Everything is turned upside down for Lexa and it leaves her wondering if she may have made a huge mistake.

* * *

“You have got to be fucking kidding me, Anya!”

Anya holds up her hands in defense, using them like a shield against Lexa who is pacing in front of her.

“What do you mean, the money won’t be enough? I already bent the rules for you.”

“Would you sit down? You’re driving me crazy running around like that!”

Lexa stops to glare at her cousin. It only took one day of her out of the picture and everything is falling apart. The deal they have so carefully planned is on the verge of blowing up.

After going home to shower and change her clothes, Lexa had tried to call Anya. Her cousin always slept in late so when after the fourth try she still hadn’t picked up, Lexa got into her car and went to Anya’s place. She had kept her finger pressing down on the doorbell for as long as it had taken for Anya to peel herself out of bed and open the door. Lexa marched past her into the living room and that is where they are now.

“Nia has almost doubled my offer. And she has no extra conditions. She’s just going to buy and sell and rake in the profit and that’s it.”

Lexa stops to look at a painting on the wall. Anya's apartment is full of art. Lexa has always liked being here, it feels like a museum. Even the furniture is old. Small wooden tables of various sizes with beautifully carved legs are scattered across the room, laden with old books and little knickknacks.

It would feel stuffy in here weren’t it for the incredibly tall windows and Anya’s choice not to put up heavy curtains. The light is allowed to stream in freely. That, at least, is something they have in common in terms of interior design. Although Lexa prefers the openness of her loft, up on the top floor of the building that also houses her business. She lives there not so much for representation. She just likes to keep people away from her sometimes and as long as they don’t learn to fly, nobody can bother her if she doesn’t want them to. She likes her space open and uncluttered, only the white walls had seemed too empty lately. A painting would have looked good on them. Something colorful and wild … but presumably it was not going to come to that now.

Lexa picks up a small alabaster figurine of a half-naked woman resting on a chaise longue. She has always loved this piece. It’s beautiful. Now it reminds her of Clarke and she puts it down again quickly.

“You should have told me what was going on. Maybe I could have helped. Talked to Gustus or something,” she tells Anya without turning around.

“Like he’s going to listen to you. Stubborn old man.”

Lexa knows Anya is right. This whole thing has been a rather hazardous idea. She had tried to warn Anya about the risks right away, and not only the financial risk she was taking. There was a whole other level involved.

Working for her uncle Gustus, Anya had only ever dealt with historic art. Nothing contemporary. She didn’t have the network for this kind of undertaking. It had always been difficult for Gustus to imagine anything other than artifacts and old masters exchanging owners across his desk. So when Anya presented him with her idea to branch out and make the business more weatherproof, he had immediately laughed it off. ‘Leave that to Nia’ he had said and made it clear that he was not supportive of Anya’s idea. In fact, he had told her it was silly.

The truth was, and both Anya and Lexa knew that, Gustus himself was turning silly in his old days. He was sick and wanted to step down but was too stubborn to hand things over to someone he feared would turn his business into something unrecognizable. ‘Keep it small and selective’, had been his advice for Lexa when she had started her own business. But small was never a tool in Lexa’s trade. And these days, it wasn’t anywhere anymore. You needed to grow and reach out, reach as many people as possible, anywhere. She understood why Anya wanted to do that but what had been planned as a proof for Gustus to show him that it would in fact work perfectly, it all went down the drain now.

“I guess we could find another artist and try again? Maybe let a little time pass?” Lexa finally asks cautiously. She can’t be angry at Anya, at least not about the failing deal. Lexa hasn’t really had a risk. She has only given out a loan and since her personal contribution is no longer needed, she will get it back.

Anya wipes her face and sighs deeply, pulling her feet up on the couch. Lexa has never seen her like this and it makes her heart clench. She can feel Anya’s disappointment. It’s so much more than just a blown deal. But Lexa has already done what is possible using legal ways. She could perhaps sign Anya up for her program to help out new businesses but Anya never wanted to go solo. And with the current set-up, any further financial help is difficult.

Anya’s unusually quiet voice breaks her out of her musings.

“This really means everything to me. I don’t know what to do.”

“Have you thought about your own business some more? You know it would make things a lot easier. I could help you more.”

Anya’s long gaze before she replies is a silent plea. Lexa lifts her empty hands, lets them fall back in a gesture of helplessness.

“I’m not you, Lexa. I’m not a business woman. I just love art.”

“Then make it a business.” Lexa says, pointing at the paintings, all of the art in this room and last, at the little alabaster figurine. “You already have the passion.”

Anya waves her off. “I can’t do that on my own.”

Lexa thinks for a moment. There is so little she can say to be of help right now. Roles reversed from last night, only that she isn’t Clarke and Anya has never responded well to physical affection. They are not the kind of friends who touch frequently. It would just feel odd to sit down next to her and hug her. Still, Lexa takes a step towards her, stopping next to a worn armchair and dropping into it. At least she’s closer now.

“Didn’t you keep an eye on Nia? You know how she is. As soon as Gustus has his eye on something, she’s there to snatch it up.”

Anya drops her head.

“I thought if we kept it quiet, she wouldn’t find out. But she has her spies everywhere it seems. Maybe at the gallery. After all, she is a big name in the art world. If this gallery wants to stay in business, they may want to humor Nia. You know, I’ve heard she even threatens them into working with her.”

“Hm, wouldn’t surprise me. She’s a bitch.” Lexa nods, crossing her legs at a sudden thought. “But I thought you were so friendly with the artist’s agent?”

“Yeah, well.” Anya’s eyes flicker to the door and back to Lexa. She tries a smile but fails miserably.

“You never thought it was a good idea.”

Now Lexa wishes she had chosen to sit next to Anya after all.

“I did all I could to help you, Anya. You were my rock after Costia died. If it hadn’t been for you, I would have died with her. The last I could do was be there when you needed me. I’m sorry it has come to this.”

“It’s not your fault.” Anya groans, burying her face in her hands.

“Didn’t sound like that when you threw Costia at me last night. What was that for? She has nothing to do with this and anyway, I thought you wanted me to move on.”

“Sorry about that. I was so worked up and then I saw you and Clarke … I just snapped. I have only ever seen you with Costia. Seeing you with someone else, so close, I wasn’t prepared for that. You know, it was her dream to get into the business with me. I feel lost without her. She had so many great ideas and I struggle on my own. I’ve lost my best friend and I still miss her.”

Lexa feels her throat tightening up again. The familiar tingle in her fingers that she also felt last night. The simple mention of Costia’s name has done that to her for the past three years. But it doesn’t feel so all-consuming like it did in the beginning. It’s more of a numbness. She has tried to remember the good times and they had had so many of them. That has helped too. She’s here with the only person she ever shared her grief with. Well, before last night. Her thoughts end with Clarke again.

“I miss her too,” Lexa says softly, blinking away a tear. “She wouldn’t want us to be miserable, though. Didn’t you tell me that?”

In fact, knowing Costia, she would probably just want them to be happy.

“Who knew my advice would get your head so far between a girl’s legs, you’d end up getting yourself quarantined,” Anya laughs. “She’s cute though. You’re just shit scared of having your heart broken again. You’re a little coward, numbing your fear with one-night stands. I saw you. That wasn’t just a one-night stand.”

Lexa pushes herself out of the deep chair and takes up her pacing again, stopping before running into the fireplace, turning and walking back to the door, turning again. Anya watches her like a tennis match. She reaches for a blanket to wrap around herself since she’s only wearing a thin night shirt. Which is odd because Lexa is sure Anya told her she always sleeps in the nude.

Wait. Lexa stops again to shoot another glare at Anya.

“How do you know Clarke’s name?”

“You mentioned it.”

“No, I didn’t. What’s going on, Anya?”

“I need more money, that’s going on or else the deal will fall through. Nia will win again and Gustus will never trust me with his business.”

It’s a deflection. Lexa already knows all that. And she has already made it clear that they can’t just print the money Anya would need. It’s not there. Lexa knows her cousin well enough to see that she’s trying to hide something. She also knows, pressing for it usually doesn’t work.

“I don’t have any more money, Anya. I’d have to take you up as a real supported business but you aren’t the business. Gustus is. There is only so much money I can give away without formal assessment.”

“But you’re the boss.”

“It’s my company, Anya. I’m not going to wreck it.”

Lexa turns, clasping her hands behind her back. Just when she opens her mouth to speak, she hears a quiet shuffling sound from the kitchen. The door is ajar and the light comes on in there.

“Anya, what the –“, she starts, getting cut off by Anya jumping up and running past her to close the door.

“I have a guest.”

“You have a guest?” Lexa can’t help her eyebrows from shooting up. That’s a first. “Who is it?”

Lexa reaches for the doorknob only to have Anya slap her hand away.

“Alright, I’ll use the other door.”

Before Anya can stop her, Lexa whizzes out of the living room and around a corner into the kitchen. She stops dead at the sight of a semi-dressed woman fiddling with the coffee machine.

“How does this thing work?” Lexa hears her mumble before she turns around at the sound of Lexa’s footsteps on the wooden floor.

“Oh, hi.”

Yep, clearly spent the night here. Lexa gives her a quick look over, half turning back before she presses out a ‘Hi’.

Back in the living room, she finds Anya has returned to the couch, a sheepish grin on her face.

“Who is that?” Lexa points her thumb at the door leading to the kitchen.

“Raven.”

“Raven? Raven the agent? Are you out of your mind?”

She really wishes Anya wasn’t so secretive. The sound of bare feet padding past out in the corridor makes Lexa look up. It seems Raven is making her way back to the bedroom.

Anya looks up at her. She rubs her nose with two fingers as if she has a headache.

“What is Raven doing here, Anya? What else are you not telling me?”

Long seconds drip by with Anya looking at her. Lexa knows that look. There is something.

“I care about you, you know,” Anya says finally, puzzling Lexa even more.

“I care about you too but can you please stop being so fucking overprotective of me and also, just spill it!”

“There’s something you need to know.”

“You’re acting really strange.”

“I meant to call Raven up yesterday to talk about the deal but ended up meeting her. We got talking. And … more … well … we talked first. About the paintings, the style, the person behind it, she even showed me a picture.“

The pause feels like Anya is getting ready to land the final punch.

“I had a _very_ bad feeling when you told me about that girl you had spent the night with at the Ark Hotel because, well, that’s where I have put our painter. But I didn’t know for sure until I saw her. It’s her, Lexa. Clarke is our painter.”

Lexa feels all blood drain from her face.

“But our painter is a guy?”

“No. Just using an alias.”

“Anya,” Lexa manages to gasp. This feels worse than the panic attack the night before. Lexa starts looking around for something to throw up into. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

She looks for a sign of a smile on Anya’s face. Her cousin loves to get a rise out of her, she loves to mock her and she … she’s not smiling. Anya looks dead serious. It’s not even that much of a surprise. Clarke, the painter. It would have been too much of a coincidence with the opening, same day. The thought had crept up on Lexa the moment she had left the hotel. The moment her head had been able to form a clear thought again. Deep down, she had known. Lexa gulps, trying to stop the burning acid rising up her throat. Oh god, what has she done?

Holding on to the back rest of the armchair, Lexa feels faint. She tries to focus but when she closes her eyes, all she sees is Clarke’s face and the way she looked at her when she calmed Lexa down in the lobby. It helps though. Cautiously opening her eyes, Lexa notices the room has stopped wobbling.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What would you have wanted me to say? She was right there with you. And I was angry, at you for leaving me alone to deal with all that shit. I needed you out of there but there was no way. I needed time to think.”

“Well, great, your thinking has really helped a lot.”

“Lexa, I’m sorry, but what would you have wanted me to do? You were in there with someone you were not supposed to even meet, hands all over her, tongue down her throat …”

“Stop, Anya, I get the message.” This just keeps getting worse. Lexa wishes she had never left her loft this morning. If she had just stayed there, she would still be oblivious to everything and only having to deal with choosing to leave Clarke without saying goodbye.

“I definitely can’t give you any more money, Anya. Not now that I know this. It’s called conflict of interests. I’m going to lose my license for inside deals. And Nia will eat you alive.”

“I know that,” Anya snaps at her. “I know.”

With a groan, Lexa’s puts her head on the back rest. “Clarke is going to think I was playing her, trying to get her to agree to the deal.”

“It’s a good deal.”

“It is but … oh fuck.”

Without another thought, Lexa leaves the apartment, ignoring Anya’s shouts for her to stay. There’s a little park across the road and she sits down on a bench. She feels scared. The lump in her throat doesn’t allow her to breathe and she still feels nauseous. Looking up at the sky, she feels the wind cold on her face. She lifts a hand to her face and it comes back wet at the fingertips. Fuck. Oh shit.

Why did that have to happen? Just once she wanted some happiness, just to feel it again after denying it to herself for so long. She pulls out her phone and stares at the dark screen. Swiping her thumb across the display reveals no new message. She snorts bitterly. No, she wouldn’t send herself a message now either. She looks up, towards the little lake, over to the trees and up along them into the grey sky. Something cold hits her nose and startles her. Another drop hits her forehead. It’s beginning to rain. She puts her phone away quickly. An old song pops into her head and she turns her face up again.

Raindrops falling from heaven  
Will never wash away my misery  
But since we're not together  
I'll wait for stormy weather  
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there’s one thing Lexa knows by heart, it’s to run away from pain. But the universe has its ways of bringing together what belongs together.

Lexa rubs her eyes for the fifth time, trying to focus on the computer screen. The numbers are still a blur when she looks at them again. Looking around her desk, she sees the two folders that her assistant has put there for her to go through. Probably new businesses that might be worth a look to see if they fit the profile. But she really doesn’t feel like it.

When she started her own investment company a couple of years ago, she did it with a clear idea of what she wanted to focus on. Yes, profit was important. It was the reason her clients gave their money in the first place. But they were the special kind who also liked to know the money would be used to make things better. Her specialty was making sure the money went to real people who worked to improve lives. Lexa had learned from the best but their morals were never hers. Costia had always told Lexa she could make a difference, every time Lexa had come home at night exhausted and angry after another day that was all about which stock would bring the highest profit, no matter how risky it was. Lexa had lamented about the low morals and the profanity and Costia had smiled knowingly, telling her she was too good for them and once she realized that, she would be brave enough to do her own thing and succeed. As if she had known.

Finally, two years ago, Lexa had taken the plunge. And it had been the best two years. She was doing really well. Six months ago she had been able to move into these shiny new offices and her loft at the top. She made it. She had worked her ass off too, turning the business profitable within just a few months. Could be that Costia hadn’t been so far off when she had said the universe was looking out for the good people. The thought made Lexa smile. Things had fallen into place one by one. Except in her love life. That was … not something she had focused on.

Lexa had been too guarded for anything to evolve. Trying not to let anyone come too close. Staying safely away from emotions. Feeling again had started with a painting.

One day, Anya had told her about this exciting new artist she had come across. So Lexa went to check out the paintings at the gallery. Back then there were only a few of the painter’s works up on the walls in a side room. But those few were amazing. Now she knew they had been Clarke’s. Lexa had instantly fallen in love with them and bought one on the spot. It hung in her hallway, greeting her when she came home. There was something utterly calming about the peaceful scenery. And now that she thinks about it, it represented Clarke perfectly. It captured her warmth and her joy, her smiles and that wonderful laugh. Lexa had found herself staring at it at the gallery for a solid 20 minutes, then turned around and bought it. The painting made her feel at home whenever she looked at it, much more than she had ever felt in her apartment before. She had felt the same way with Clarke. Go figure.

Her attempt to help out a friend and support a promising artist has ended up turning her whole world upside down. And now she can’t stop thinking about Clarke. Her beautiful eyes. The little beauty mark just above her lips. And her hands. The way her hands felt on her body. A shiver travels down Lexa’s spine. The way Clarke just seems to give without expecting much in return. Lexa had not given her much and even that little bit she had taken away again when she left.

Oh fuck. There are not enough sighs in the world for her right now. Not to mention the lack of swear words.

Maybe it’s time to take another risk. Lexa tosses the thought around in her head, trying to avoid the memory flashes from the night before. She had felt it so strongly after they had made love for the last time. The word her tongue had formed so easily, that had finally made its way out silently, had seemed wrong-placed. But it had wanted out nonetheless, pushed out by a power beyond her control. Lexa wags her head slowly. Is it possible after such a short period of time? Yet, it feels as if something is nudging her, trying to force her to open her eyes. Whenever she allows the thoughts to surface, the feeling is there too. Like a little voice in her head, telling her to jump. She misses Clarke. She missed her the moment she left the hotel.

She’s still staring at the folders in her desk. Her brain is a mess. Just like everything else. With a sigh, she gets up to make herself a coffee. While waiting for the hot liquid to fill the cup, she looks out the window. It’s been raining for hours now. Normally, Lexa doesn’t mind rain at all but right now, the weather seems to be taunting her.

She hasn’t worked up the courage to call Clarke yet and it nags her. This won’t be as easy as bringing breakfast and stammering a little. How can she ever explain this whole thing? Where would she start? On the other hand, it’s only partly her fault. Had she known, maybe she would have acted differently. She certainly wouldn’t have let it come this far. Anya’s mention of Costia had triggered something in her that she had wanted to push down. Not the guilt, although that was still strong. But fear. It had been like a cold fist around her heart, sending her to her knees. And then Clarke, gentle, sweet Clarke, trying to comfort her without even knowing what was going on. Lexa couldn’t bear the thought of breaking such a beautiful heart just because she couldn’t trust herself.

Checking the mirror on the wall next to the coffee maker shows her a tired face with faint dark circles around her equally tired eyes. She leans in closer and groans. When she had gotten home from the park, she’d been soaked and all cried out. She had forgotten how exhausting tears were. It had made her feel empty but also, for the first time in years, it had been cleansing. She’d gone home, knowing she would have to show up at the office soon. After peeling herself out of her wet clothes, she had taken a quick hot shower and put on something businesslike. Looking at herself in the mirror now, Lexa has to admit, she still looks like shit. She should have taken the day off.

But then, work is what she does when she doesn’t know what else to do. So here she is.

Loud voices outside her office interrupt her thoughts. She takes the cup and starts towards the door to find out what’s going on when the door is ripped open and Clarke storms in, followed by Lexa’s assistant who waves her arms helplessly, trying to keep up with Clarke.

“I am so sorry, Ms Woods,” her assistant says with a trembling voice. She pushes her glasses back up her nose before nervously looking at Lexa. “She demanded to see you and wouldn’t be stopped.”

Lexa’s eyes wander from her assistant to Clarke, who has come to a stop just inside the door. A smile tugs at Lexa’s lips seeing the one person that has been on her mind constantly since Saturday night. But before the smile can stabilize, Clarke lunges at her. Her face is flushed with anger and her blue eyes have taken on the color of a storm. She looks like a nemesis.

“I am … so furious,” she booms, waving a small piece of paper in her hand. “How could you just leave me with this stupid little note?”

Lexa feels as if she has run full speed into a wall and staggers backwards, her mind wiped clean by the tone of Clarke’s voice. Hot coffee spills onto her hand and she stares at it, taking the cup into her other hand to blow on her burnt skin.

“Ouch.”

Clarke stops a few steps away from her to point at the black leather couch behind Lexa.

“Sit down! I need to talk to you.” Her arm shakes with anger.

Looking over Clarke’s shoulder, Lexa catches her assistant looking at her with wide eyes. Lexa shakes her head subtly, letting her know it’s okay. With a last worried look, her assistant retreats dutifully and closes the door behind her. Lexa looks back at Clarke and opens her mouth. She closes it again at Clarke’s raised finger. The finger moves to point at the couch more vigorously and Lexa numbly sits down. There’s a tickle in her nose and before she can stop it, she sneezes. Yeah, sitting out in the rain wasn’t such a brilliant idea.

“Forgive you?” Clarke crumples up the paper and throws it at Lexa. There’s a small table between them but Lexa still feels Clarke’s angry breath on her face. She doesn’t move to pick up the note, she knows what it says. She wrote it hastily in the light of her cell phone and put it on top of Clarke’s bag before sneaking out. She remembers feeling like a coward. She still does.

“No, Lexa. I’m not going to make it that easy for you. Who do you think I am? I’m not one of your conquests. I deserve more than waking up alone.”

Still holding the cup, Lexa can only stare at Clarke. She puts the cup down and absentmindedly wipes her wet hand on her dark pants. The skin is tender and has taken on a reddish hue and she blows on it once more.

“I was going to go home, you know, but then I thought: wait, Clarke, are you going to let her do this to you? And the answer is ‘no’, Lexa, I _won’t_ let you do this to me.”

Clarke seems to stop for a moment to catch her breath. Trying to subdue her instincts, Lexa digs her fingers into the seating. The tough material makes a squeaking sound that irritates her. Her palms are sweaty and she wipes them on her pants again. There’s this urge to run away again. But as far as she can tell, Clarke is blocking the way to the exit.

“Hello to you, too,” she says instead, which is a stupid and utterly pointless thing to say and Clarke seems to agree.

“Oh, shut up!”

Clarke huffs, gearing up again, her eyes burning straight through Lexa’s skin. Lexa’s heart shrivels in a matter of split seconds and she falls back onto the couch. Whatever adrenalin her body had produced, it leaves her just as quickly. Hanging her head, she waits for another tirade. Her face feels like it’s going to melt and she pulls it into a frown to make sure it still works. She deserves this.

“That was a really, really rotten thing to do. I woke up this morning thinking that maybe you were in the bathroom. But when you didn’t come out after a few minutes and I didn’t hear anything, I checked. You weren’t there. Your bag was gone. Your clothes were gone. You took my favorite shirt!”

“It’s in the wash …,” Lexa mumbles and she can feel the cold stare that’s hitting her without having to look up. When she does, Clarke scowls at her. Several seconds tick away before she speaks again.

“You just ran away. You fucking left me there. You’re such a …”

Clarke seems to be looking for a word, her fiery gaze letting go of Lexa’s eyes for the first time since she stormed into her office. It’s a welcome pause to breathe. It’s not very long though. But at least the next part doesn’t start with an insult.

“Do you have any idea what it feels like to wake up alone after … fuck, Lexa, we spent the whole day together and … it felt like … it felt like we were close. I held you in my arms.”

She opens them wide.

“Coward. I think you were looking for the word coward,” Lexa offers quietly.

“I thought we had agreed to see where it goes.”

Clutching her fists to her chest, Clarke stares at Lexa and waits for her to respond. Lexa holds her gaze for a long time, until Clarke finally blinks. Her face softens a little. Lexa is tempted to tell her how cute she looks when she’s angry but that is so out of line, she drops the thought right away.

“You need to calm down, Clarke, or else my assistant is going to call security.”

“That’s your thing, isn’t it? Saying something completely out of context … I don’t even believe there is security here.”

A strand of blonde hair has come loose and Clarke blows to get it out of her eyes. It’s stubborn and falls back so she blows again, finally tucking it behind her ear with her hand.

“There is actually.”

“Stop making jokes, this isn’t funny,” Clarke grumbles.

“I’m sorry. This is very confusing.”

“Oh yeah? You’re right about that!” Clarke nods fiercely. “And I’m not even done yet. You can NOT pretend there is nothing between us because there is. I felt it and you did too. I even feel it now that I’m yelling at you. I can’t believe this.”

“Clarke –“

“How often have you thought about me since you left?”

“Can I get up, please?”

“How often?”

“I haven’t stopped.”

“So …?”

Slowly, Lexa pushes herself up from the couch and rounds the little table. She doesn’t dare to get too close to Clarke, even though by now, all she wants is to wrap her in her arms for a little warmth. So she doesn’t take the last step. Who is this woman standing in her office, so angry at her because she thinks Lexa doesn’t feel the same way?

“Can I say something?”

“Well?” Clarke crosses her arms and gives her a challenging stare.

Lexa takes a deep breath.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she starts, earning a doubtful look from Clarke. “And I’m accepting everything you’re throwing at me. I messed up and I’m sorry and yes, I do hope you will forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt you but now I ended up hurting you anyway.”

She takes a moment to massage the palm of her left hand. Her thumb cracks when she presses down too hard.

“You scared the hell out of me, do you know that? How can you be so … perfect … when all I am looking for is a little fun? How can you take that fun and make it so much better and then make me want to stay and make me feel all kinds of things that I haven’t felt in a long time and how can you feel so damn good when I don’t even know you? How?”

Wow, that sounded better in her head. Less desperate too.

“I told you, you don’t have to be scared of me. Your heart is safe with me.” Clarke’s voice is soft. She steps closer to put her hand over Lexa’s chest. She's doing it again. The sensation shakes Lexa to the bone. Their connection isn’t words. It’s touch. Her chest starts to heave, causing Clarke to pull her hand away.

“But I don’t know if yours is safe with me, Clarke. I’m broken. Look at what I did to you.” Lexa’s voice sounds raspy and she thinks about her coffee, now cold on the table.

“So what, Lexa? We’re all broken. What do you want to do? Spend the rest of your life thinking you don’t deserve happiness? Because you do. And I think,” she stops and swallows. “This is going to sound really weird … but I think we fit pretty well together.”

It doesn’t sound quite as weird as Clarke thinks.

“Don’t push me away.” The gentleness in her voice makes Lexa want to cry again. She blinks a few times. “Your fear makes you do stupid things. I’m still mad at you. Running away isn’t a solution. Children do that but you’re not a child. I’ll tell you a secret. You need to go where it hurts to get through.”

“I’m so scared,” Lexa whispers.

“I know.”

It’s all there in just those two words. Of course Clarke knows. Lexa feels oddly called out but there’s also a strange feeling of safety. Out of the thousands of thoughts that speed run through her head, Lexa can only grab a few sobs.

“When you let me hold you, just before you tried to bail for the first time, it was there. It felt right. And don’t tell me you didn’t feel it. You fit perfectly into my arms.”

Lexa nods slowly. She did feel it.

“Why are you doing this, Clarke?”

“Because you’re in here!” Clarke taps her chest just above her heart. “No idea how you made it there so fast but you could at least give me a chance to find out.”

The gesture makes Lexa’s heart ache, straining against her chest as if it wants to fly out. She still feels paralyzed and awkward. She wants to move, more than anything. She tries to will her arms into lifting, her feet into moving forward just one more step to show Clarke, breaking through the barrier of fear.

“It was there from the moment I saw you at the club. I didn’t bump into you by accident. I had been watching you hitting on the barkeeper and I wanted you to hit on me instead. Something told me I needed to get to know you. That same something made me come here now.”

It takes another heartbeat. And another one. A couple more shallow breaths. If Lexa waits any longer, she will burst.

“Tell me there’s nothing here and I’ll leave.”

Looking deeply into Clarke’s eyes, Lexa realizes they have taken on a lighter shade of blue again, clear and calm.

One step.

Lexa’s breathing hitches when she finally feels the stiffness leave her limbs. She suddenly feels featherlight as her body seems to drift towards Clarke without any doing of her own. Her hand moves in much the same way, pulled up by an invisible force. She exhales once more.

Clarke doesn’t move at all when Lexa finally touches her. She brushes her fingertips across Clarke’s cheek, her thumb lightly touching her lower lip. It draws a smile from Clarke and a wave of relief flushes through Lexa.

“I knew it,” Clarke murmurs against her fingers and Lexa’s heart stutters. It feels like it’s restarting, growing wide in her chest and finally claiming the space it needs. It hasn’t beaten this strongly in three years.

This woman … might just be worth it.

Jump.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where they start to play a game.
> 
> or
> 
> Lexa is the boss. Or is she?

“You’re right,” Lexa whispers, leaning closer, leaving only a very small gap between their faces. “There’s something here.”

The blonde curl has come loose again and Lexa pushes it behind Clarke’s ear, softly brushing her fingertips across the warm cheek on their way back. Leaning her forehead lightly against Clarke’s, it’ll only take a slight tilt of her head and Lexa can taste those lips once more. She feels parched for them. Just when her eyes close, she feels Clarke’s lips brush against hers. The kiss is so soft, it leaves Lexa dazed, lips quivering and tingling for more.

“Wow,” she hears Clarke gasp and she moves her head, nudging the tip of Lexa’s nose with hers in the process, to bring their lips together again.

Lexa just barely manages to move back and turn away before she has to sneeze again. She keeps her nose in the crook of her arm for a moment longer, looking at Clarke over it with an apologetic smile.

“Have you caught a cold?” Clarke asks with a frown.

“It’s nothing. That’s what sitting out in the rain without a jacket does.”

“Why would you do that?” Clarke asks, glancing out the window where it’s really pouring down now. “And when?” She starts rubbing Lexa’s upper arms to warm her up. It’s such a Clarke-thing to do.

So Lexa does what feels natural to her: she wraps her arms around Clarke. Without hesitation, Clarke’s arms slide around her until they stand in a full embrace. Lexa buries her nose in Clarke’s hair, half expecting it to smell of the sun. Of course it doesn’t, it smells of shampoo and rain but right now, it’s the scent of paradise. They melt into each other, the way they have from the start.

“You feel so good,” she hears Clarke mutter as she presses her face into the crook of Lexa’s neck. Clarke feels tiny in her arms, the way her fingertips are digging into her back makes her hold her even closer. Clarke lion heart, the fighter who seems so fragile sometimes. Lexa has noticed it before, little slips in the façade when Clarke seemed to be reaching out to her. She has let her down once, she will not let her down again. If holding her is what Clarke needs from her, Lexa will happily do that until the end of time. This just feels too right to be wrong.

“You are fierce” she whispers eventually, careful not to disturb the moment. It feels precious. “What else were you prepared to tear down?”

“All of your walls for sure.”

Lexa smiles into Clarke’s hair. “I’m quite a handful.”

“Hm,” Clarke shifts and Lexa can feel her breath on her neck. “I don’t care. Let me try and see if I can hold you.”

When she feels Clarke nibbling on the sensitive skin, Lexa feels the last of her resolve crumble away.

“I thought I had fucked this up.” she says, her voice cracking slightly.

“Oh, you almost did. But I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I wanted more of you, Lexa. And I hoped you would want me too.”

“Clarke –“

The next kiss has Lexa sigh happily. Clarke’s dewy lips taste of vanilla but it’s the softness that draws Lexa in. Brushing her lower lip gently across Clarke’s, she feels arms looping around her neck and a hand moving into her hair. Before she knows, she is pulled in even closer and lets out a little whimper. Clarke smiles against her lips.

“I trashed the hotel TV.”

Lexa was just about to turn her head for a better angle and stops mid-movement.

“You did what???”

“I was so mad at you.” Lexa fails to detect any remorse in Clarke’s voice.

“You’re joking.”

“Nope,” Clarke beams at her. “It was worth it, too.”

She winks at Lexa and reaches for her hand, leading her back to the leather couch.

“Wait,” Lexa says, reluctant to let go of Clarke’s hand but it will only take a second. She walks over to the desk and presses a button on her desk phone.

“Yes, Ms Woods?” her assistant’s voice comes through immediately on the speaker.

“Hold all calls, please, Amy. I’m unavailable for the rest of the day. Oh, and tell Frank he will have to handle the staff meeting on his own. He can give me an update tomorrow first thing.”

There’s a moment of silence, then the line crackles again.

“Yes, Ms Woods.”

Lexa looks up to see Clarke has put on an impressed face. She’s sitting on the couch, patting the spot right next to her.

“Holy shit, you’re bossy. Haven’t heard that tone before. It’s kinda hot.”

Lexa can feel her face flush. She has never thought of herself as being bossy. Assertive maybe. And to hear it from Clarke with _that_ undertone in her voice … uh oh. Once again she wonders how Clarke manages to make her feel so shy. She’s not shy. Never has been.

“I love it when you do that,” Clarke continues, looking at her from underneath her lashes. “The way you lower your eyes and give this faint little hint of a smile … has me melting every time. Come over here, I need to kiss that smile.”

“You are pretty good at telling me nice things about myself.” Lexa saunters over to the couch and sits down next to Clarke, wondering if she can just go ahead and steal that kiss. Before she can make up her mind, Clarke has moved to straddle her lap. She leans down and captures Lexa’s lips with her own, gently biting into her lower lip.

“Mhm.”

She grabs a fistful of Lexa’s hair to pull her head back, gently but firmly. Another wave of heat flushes through Lexa.

“You like being bossy?” Clarke mumbles as her tongue leaves a wet trail along Lexa’s neck, followed by nibbling kisses all the way to her earlobe. She sucks it between her lips, then bites, drawing a low moan from Lexa. When Lexa looks up at her, Clarke’s eyes have taken on a slightly darker color. So she reaches for her again, pulling her down and crashing their mouths together in an open-mouthed kiss that sends a jolt of electricity between her legs. Her hands move to cup Clarke’s butt cheeks, pressing them and pulling her in, making Clarke squirm.

“Oh, you better stop, or else I won’t. And I’m still mad at you.”

With an unhappy groan, Lexa lets go of her. This isn’t the time, Clarke is right, and it’s also not a place. She feels Clarke’s arms slide around her again, a hand on the back of her head, fingers running softly through her hair. She slips her arms around Clarke’s waist und nestles her head between Clarke’s breasts. This is nice. A fuzzy feeling spreads from her stomach all across her body. There’s something buzzing in her stomach and it feels wonderful. A tiny purring sound crawls up her throat and she closes her eyes, taking in the warmth she feels everywhere. Clarke’s weight on her lap is just enough to keep her from floating up right now.

“Thank you for finding me,” she murmurs against Clarke’s chest. Clarke doesn’t move, only wriggles even closer and presses a kiss to her hair. They sit like that for a while until Lexa realizes Clarke has started swaying gently. Lexa looks up to see Clarke’s eyes are closed and she’s smiling contently. The best cuddler, Lexa thinks to herself, absolutely.

“Clarke?”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve never had anyone come after me like that.”

“I’ve never gone after anyone like that either. Didn’t know I had it in me. You brought out the best in me.” Clarke gives one of her earthy laughs, starting deep down in her belly and resonating through her whole body.

“You realize we’ll have to start over, don’t you?” she says when she stops laughing and slides off Lexa’s lap to sit down next to her at a chaste distance.

“Huh?” Lexa asks, still wondering why her arms are suddenly empty.

“Meeting up, getting to know each other, going on a date … that sort of thing.”

“Date?” Lexa asks slowly, completely at a loss.

“Don’t look at me with your mouth hanging open like that,” and Lexa closes her mouth with a pop. “What did you think? We’ll just hop back into bed together?”

“I hadn’t really … thought ... anything” Lexa manages to stammer.

“That’s settled then.” Clarke jumps up and straightens her clothes. “I’m going to head out now. Pick me up at 7. I’m staying at the Ark Hotel.”

She leans down again and puts her hand on Lexa’s shoulder to press a little kiss to her forehead. Still unable to process the events of the last few seconds, Lexa looks up at her dumbfounded. Clarke leans in a little more and brings her lips to her ear.

“And you’re paying for the room, okay?” she whispers.

“What do you mean? Where are we going?”

“On our first date. Tonight. Surprise me. I’ll see you then.”

And with that, Clarke strides over to the door, throwing a last glance over her shoulder at a still stunned Lexa and smirks.

“Later,” she whistles and the door closes before Lexa is able to move.

Right. Well. A date. Okay.

Twirling a strand of her hair, Lexa gets up and slowly walks over to the window front. Oh, she knows what Clarke is doing. Lexa stays at the window until she sees a small blonde figure waiting to cross the road several levels below. Clarke. Lexa’s heart jumps and her eyes follow her to the other side of the road where Clarke stops and turns back, looking up and lifting her hand to her mouth to blow her a kiss. Lexa still stands there minutes later, a huge smile plastered across her face.

**∞**

She hasn’t been this nervous in years. Several different outfits are scattered across her bed already and she’s still pulling more out of her closet. Finally, Lexa takes a step back, hands on her hips and sighs. A glance at the clock shows her she’s being ridiculous. It’s only 5. She’s so rusty, going on a date with Clarke makes her feel like a teenager.

Now that she’s had some time to think about it, it seems like a good idea to take a step back. With all that chaos around them, they haven’t had a chance to really get to know each other. She’s also sure Clarke is teasing her to make her pay for sneaking away. But she will play along because Clarke really has a point. They have spent a whole day and two nights together, all over each other, but she still knows nothing about her. They have completely missed the basics. So, what are the basics for a first date? Lexa puffs her cheeks and exhales slowly.

First of all, remember you’re an adult.

She decides to start with her hair. She combs it until it shines and falls in long waves across her shoulders. Then she starts braiding it carefully. When she’s satisfied with the result, she returns to her wardrobe. Tight black pants, always good. And a sleeveless cream top because she knows Clarke likes her arms. She tucks it loosely into her pants and checks herself in the mirror. That’s good. Back in the bathroom, she adds a touch of make-up, only enough to highlight her eyes even more, the way she had done at the club.

Taking a deep breath, she looks at the clock again. Now she needs to get going. On the way out, she looks at Clarke’s picture once again. “C. G.” the signature says. Clarke Griffin. It was right there. But she hadn’t really paid attention. Raven pronouncing it like ‘Ceegee’ made both Lexa and Anya think into a completely wrong direction. It seems so stupid in retrospect. Lexa takes a last look at herself in the long mirror hanging in her hallway, then grabs her jacket, her purse and her keys.

**∞**

Pulling up outside the hotel, Lexa notices it looks a lot busier again with the lights on everywhere and people inside. It actually looks like a hotel. She walks through the door, looking over to the front desk, half expecting Titus there. But he’s not on duty. Instead, a young woman looks up from the computer screen to greet her with a friendly smile.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m here to pick up Ms Griffin. Could you let her know, please? Woods, Lexa Woods.”

She does know how this works.

“Of course, please take a seat.” The receptionist points at the armchairs scattered around the lobby. Lexa drops her purse into one and sits down in another, folding her jacket in her lap. She watches the receptionist make a call and when she sees Lexa look at her, she smiles back. So not Titus, Lexa thinks.

“Ms Griffin will be right down,” the young woman calls over to Lexa after putting down the phone and turns her eyes back to the computer screen.

It only takes a few minutes and at the familiar ping, Lexa’s attention is drawn to the elevator. Clarke is wearing printed shorts with a cropped cardigan and a slouchy shirt and she looks so cute that Lexa is tempted to kiss her on the spot. She can’t see her eyes though because Clarke has put on sunglasses that make her look sassy, a little more even when she approaches and Lexa catches the lipstick, discreet but ultimately kissable. ‘She’s beautiful’, is all Lexa can think when she gets up and nervously wipes her hands on her black pants.

“Wow, you look amazing.” When she leans in for a kiss to Clarke’s cheek, she notices her perfume. “And you smell wonderful.”

Clarke smiles at her shyly and pushes her sunglasses up into her hair. “Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

She _is_ looking at her arms, Lexa is pleased to notice. There’s a tiny moment of awkward silence as they both stare and grin at each other. Lexa is the first to break out of it.

“Shall we go?” She offers her arm and Clarke gives her one of her sunny smiles before she hums in appreciation and links her arm with Lexa’s. It feels perfect.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you to dinner and a movie.”

If Clarke is impressed with her car, she doesn’t show it. Lexa opens the door of the little roadster for her and she slides in gracefully, making sure to brush past a little too closely for Lexa to keep breathing normally.

“Ready?” Lexa asks as she gets into the driver’s seat, glancing over at Clarke. Her heart is beating so fast, it makes her hands tremble and she fumbles around for a few seconds before she finds the button to start the car.

“Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

**∞**

It’s close to midnight when Lexa pulls up once more at the Ark Hotel.

“I can’t believe you took me to a drive-in cinema,” Clarke laughs as they approach the front door. “And had dinner with me in your car. That was cute.”

“I’m glad you liked it, “Lexa smirks. “I just wanted you all to myself.”

She holds Clarke’s gaze, reaching for her hand and intertwining their fingers lightly. She has been really good all night, hasn’t touched Clarke much at all except that one time to brush a few crumbs off her thigh, her hand touching the bare skin only a second or two too long. And that other time when she hadn’t been able to resist the impulse to tuck that impertinent strand of blonde hair back behind Clarke’s ear. It kept getting into Clarke’s eyes. And then when Clarke had leaned over a little, Lexa had slid her arm around her and Clarke had put her head on her shoulder. The movie hadn’t mattered at all. The only thing Lexa had been able to pay attention to was Clarke in her arms.

They stop just off the side of the front door.

“I’ve had a very nice time,” Clarke says. “Thank you.”

“Did I earn a second date?” Lexa asks. “I’d love one. Or two. Or –,“ she trails off when she sees Clarke’s eyes dart to her lips and the world stops turning. She has to clear her throat to start it again. The way Clarke has parted her lips ever so slightly to run her tongue across them makes Lexa thirsty. She needs a drink from those lips.

“I’m here for another couple of days.” Clarke’s voice breaks into her thoughts and she swallows hard. “How about a second date tomorrow? And I get to choose where we go.”

“Hm? Oh … yes. Yes, let’s do that.” She’s acted much more self-confident in the past but right now, she doesn’t care at all. It seems to amuse Clarke and Lexa would do anything to make her smile. Even embarrass herself with every second sentence because being with Clarke turns her into a drooling something.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then. Same time.” Clarke leans in, smiling quietly. “Good night, beautiful.”

Lexa prepares for the kiss she’s been longing for all night. But it never happens. Instead, she feels a peck on her cheek.

And with a last flirty wink, Clarke disappears inside the hotel.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s getting difficult again. Keeping their hands to themselves.

A few minutes into the stroll along the river – Clarke’s chosen activity for their second date – her hand brushes against Lexa’s twice. When it happens for a third time, Lexa begins to suspect it’s not accidental. She stretches her fingers slightly and when she feels Clarke’s hand again, she hooks her index finger around Clarke’s pinky. Not quite the result Lexa had been hoping for but she can’t exactly look down and take aim. She glances at Clarke and seeing her smile softly, she moves her hand again and entwines their fingers. That’s better.

There are quite a few people out, enjoying the first really warm nights. The air is hazy tonight, making the street lamps that light the path along the river look like old-fashioned gas lights. Lexa knows why Clarke has chosen to go for a walk. It’s the perfect opportunity to talk. So Lexa has done her best to explain the difficult situation with Anya and the opening. At first, Clarke had found the whole thing funny, especially since Raven and Anya seemed to have hooked up now too and how all of it reminded her very much of a romantic comedy. The intellectual kind of course, she had added with a wink. But the more Lexa had told her, the quieter she had become.

When Lexa is finished, Clarke seems deep in thought. They walk in silence, moving to the right of the path to avoid other people. When the days are hot, the grassy area to their right is a popular spot. Benches invite to sit down and Lexa toys with the idea of a cuddle but then feels that to keep walking is better for now. She has a hard time keeping her hands to herself as it is.

“I feel sorry for Anya,” Clarke says after a while, her face sad. “Can’t you convince her to start her own business? From what you said, that would be so much easier.”

“I’ve been trying to,” Lexa sighs, looking up at the sky before she continues. “She doesn’t believe she can do it on her own. She and Costia were going do it together.”

“And they were going to cooperate with the artists, make sure they have everything they need to work properly and in return they got the exclusive rights to market them?”

“Not exclusive. But extensive. It was not meant to put a chain on the artist, they would still have been able to do whatever they wanted. That’s where I would have come in. My company has set up funds for certain areas. Some of them focus on the arts and culture sector, aiming to make art available to everyone – not just people with money. Anya’s idea would have fit perfectly. She would have gotten money from the fund to work with, attract artists and be able to support them.”

“Art shouldn’t be exclusive to a certain group of people,” Clarke agrees. “It needs to be open to all kinds of interpretation and for that, everyone should have access to it. I like that idea. I do my stuff for everyone who likes it.”

She glances at Lexa and her eyes sparkle with something that looks like pride.

“I like what you do,” she adds, holding on to Lexa’s hand more firmly and moving closer so their arms are touching. They have fallen into an easy stride and Lexa notices they’re naturally in sync. It feels like she’s walking on a cloud. Clarke looks at the ground a few steps ahead, kicking up some gravel, thinking.

“You were going to be her guinea pig,” Lexa tugs at Clarke’s hand to get her to look at her. Clarke gives her a weak smile before she looks away again.

“It would have been a good deal for me too then, huh?”

“Absolutely. It could have provided you with a steady income which seems to be something a lot of artists struggle with. Especially when they’re just starting out. Like you.”

“You know, this sucks. Would have been nice, I’m late with the rent for my studio again.”

Lexa wasn’t aware of that. She pulls Clarke to a stop.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll work something out. I always do. I’m pretty nifty.”

Lexa brings up her other hand to cup Clarke’s cheek. She moves it to lift her chin up, turning Clarke’s face towards her.

“That you are,” Lexa tells her. “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know, okay?”

Clarke shakes her head slowly. “No, thank you. I don’t need your help with that. Like I said, I’ll work something out. Maybe just pack up and move.” She laughs and something tells Lexa she may not even be joking.

“Have you done that before?” Lexa asks as they start walking again.

“Packed up and moved? Yeah. Last year actually.”

“Why?”

Clarke doesn’t respond right away. Lexa can’t tell if she’s trying to remember the reasons but it looks more like she’s debating whether or not she wants to tell her. Eventually, Clarke takes a deep breath.

“I had a fiancée. We were going to marry last summer. But then I found out he’d been cheating on me. I confronted him about it and he left me. End of story.” She presses her lips into a thin line at the painful memory.

“Oh. I’m sorry about that.”

“Yeah, well, he was a dick. I haven’t seen anyone since then. Been painting a lot, enough to have my own opening now.” She laughs bravely at that. “You know, I never thought I could be good enough to sell my art. Raven has been all over me for the past year and we had finally managed to put something together.”

Looking ahead, Lexa notices they will soon get to a bridge that stretches across the river and they walk the distance in silence. When they’re right under the bridge, Clarke looks up and smiles at the way the water reflects on the ceiling.

Lexa only notices the stars dancing across Clarke’s face.

“I need to talk to Anya again,” she says when the bridge is behind them. “I really don’t want her to go down like this. She’s been a good friend … ever since Costia’s death. She was Costia’s best friend before that and I kind of inherited her. I’m wondering if she’s afraid of losing me now that you’re there. You know, as a friend. We really only had each other to get through the loss.”

Clarke squeezes her hand. Lexa knows Clarke can always sell to Nia. It would give her money. But it would also mean selling her soul to the devil and somehow Lexa doubts Clarke would want to do that. She has been afraid to ask. Not selling is not an option either, not for someone who can’t pay their rent on time.

She sighs. Clarke suddenly lets go of her hand to walk over to the railing by the river. They’re in a particularly nice spot. Lexa knows it from countless strolls on her own, often at night with nobody else around. This is where she came to breathe. Tall, old trees grow closer to the water here, their thick roots pushing through the gravel of the path, branches hanging low almost down to the water. The wind is picking up just now, rustling through the leaves. Leaning onto the railing, Clarke looks out across the water.

“I like how the light falls through the trees and reflects on the water in this spot,” Lexa says as she steps up behind Clarke. She puts her hands on the railing next to Clarke’s and leans her chin on Clarke’s shoulder.

“That’s precisely why I went to have a closer look. I may have to come here when the sun is out to try and paint it. The trees create a very special atmosphere.” Clarke says softly, lowering her voice because Lexa is so close. “It’s beautiful.”

“Mmh,” Lexa hums, thinking ‘not as beautiful as you’. She closes her eyes and turns her head slightly, breathing in Clarke’s shampoo. She really likes it. And the perfume she was wearing last night is there again too, only a little fainter, less first datey.

“You smell wonderful.”

“I still want to paint you, too.” Clarke tilts her head and leans her temple against Lexa’s. “If you have a little time, maybe you could come to my studio.”

Lexa bites her lower lip to stop the huge grin from breaking out all across her face.

“Actually, I was going to take a break after Anya’s deal was secured,” she tells Clarke, her eyes fixed on a spot in the water. She has always felt peace by the river but she feels a lot more than that right now.

“I’m tired. I’ve been working non-stop for two years to get where I am. For weeks I’ve been thinking about taking a break. Then you show up and all I want is to be with you. I even tried to run away but you caught me. Maybe that’s a sign. Maybe I should just give in.”

“Maybe you should,” Clarke says, turning around to face her with a soft smile playing around the corners of her mouth. Lexa’s eyes drop to her lips and she has to look down and turn her head. When she looks back up, she could swear Clarke looks disappointed. It is romantic walking with her like that and it would be the easiest thing to get swept up by the feeling. But Clarke has set boundaries and Lexa will respect them as long as she needs to.

Clarke’s eyes scan her face. “Does that mean you want to come and see me?”

“It does.”

“That sounds pretty serious, Ms Woods.”

“Oh, I know, Ms Griffin.” Lexa nudges her nose against Clarke’s before pushing herself back from the railing.

“Come on, we’ll walk a little more before this gets too serious.”

Clarke nods, smiling quietly, but when Lexa takes her hand, she holds her back. When their eyes lock once more, Lexa finds it difficult to breathe all of a sudden. They’re in the middle of the path and the urge to kiss Clarke is getting overwhelming. The crowd has thinned out but still, too many curious eyes. Looking around, Lexa spots a big tree close by and grins. Pulling Clarke with her, she steps over the low railing that separates the path from the grass. She stops underneath the tree and lifts her arm, effectively spinning Clarke like a dancer until her back is up against the tree. Lexa brings her body close, pressing it up against Clarke. She can feel the softness of Clarke’s breasts against her chest and it’s not making anything easier.

“Woah, sweet move,” Clarke laughs.

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

“On the second date? That’s outrageous!”

“I really don’t care.”

∞

When Lexa drops her off this time, Clarke drags her further into the dark corner near the hotel’s front door to savor a few more kisses. They’ve hardly been able to keep their hands off each other since the tree. To Clarke’s amazement, Lexa has been the one to suggest going back to the hotel and say good night.

“You are delicious,” Clarke breathes into her mouth before she lets her tongue dip in once again for another taste. “I’m still not going to ask you to come up.”

“Oh, that’s okay, I wasn’t going to anyway.”

Clarke freezes in her arms and Lexa does her best to stifle a grin.

“You weren’t?”

“Oh no, not on the second date.”

“Lexa?”

“Hm?”

“Fuck you,” Clarke punches her shoulder.

“That would be lovely, but I need to go get some sleep now. I’ll be back tomorrow, same time, same place, okay?”

She gives Clarke a little peck on the cheek and saunters off, pleased with herself. Just this once, she is the one to leave Clarke staring after her. She gets into her car with Clarke still standing outside, a beautiful, gentle smile on her face that makes Lexa’s heart flutter.

It’s a silly game they’re playing but it has proved one thing: this _is_ getting serious.

∞

Since there was no third person to pick something for them to do on the third day, they have decided it’s only a natural progression for Clarke to see Lexa’s loft. It doesn’t take very long for them to progress to Lexa’s spacious couch and it feels even more natural to snuggle up close.

The next step in natural progression takes them from lingering gazes whenever the conversation stalls to kissing and cancelling conversation altogether. Before they know it, they’re caught up in a full make out session. It’s Lexa who comes up for air first, removing Clarke’s hand from her breast and pulling it out of her shirt. She proceeds to button up her jeans that somehow Clarke managed to open and rolls onto her back, face flushed and hot and feeling very horny.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” she tells Clarke, seeing her grin.

“Oh, la petite mort, mais oui.”

“You speak French?”

“Fluently,” Clarke states, sticking out her tongue.

“Seriously, Clarke? How old are you?” Lexa scolds her jokingly.

“More than old enough for the things I want to do with you.”

“Mhm, is that a promise?”

Instead of answering, Clarke starts kissing her slowly. Lexa has noticed that Clarke’s kisses have changed. They always left her wanting for more but they have intensified tenfold, each one of them leaving her breathless and giddy and clinging to Clarke as if she’s drowning, staying attached to her lips being the only way to survive. This kiss is no different. Clarke’s tongue pushes against her lips urgently and she opens them, allowing her in. Her fist knots in Clarke’s shirt, pulling her harder against her, her body dissolving into Clarke’s. She has never felt like this before, never, not even … but she doesn’t want to think that thought through.

Without breaking the kiss, she wriggles out from underneath Clarke and gets on top of her. Her hands start to move of their own accord, sliding across Clarke’s body, squeezing her butt, finally pushing her thigh between Clarke’s legs and pressing down against her hot center.

“Oh, fuck, Lexa … we have to stop …,” Clarke gasps, staring wide-eyed at Lexa. They’re both breathing heavily and it takes a moment for Lexa to come down from her high.

“Whew.”

“You are so strong, how did you even lift me just there? I really thought you were an athlete or something when I first saw you. I can’t believe you’re a business woman.”

Lexa lets herself roll off to the side and snuggles up to Clarke. She feels the sticky wetness between her legs and something tells her Clarke has the same problem. She puts her head down on Clarke’s shoulder, wrapping her arm around her.

“I told you.”

“I thought you were trying to make yourself interesting.”

“I just didn’t want to bore you with the details.”

“I also can’t believe you have one of my paintings in your hallway. I always wanted to know who bought that one. I almost kept it for myself but Raven said it has to go, it’ll practically sell itself.” She laughs at the memory.

“It was like giving away a piece of my heart,” Clarke says after a moment of thought. “I’m glad it chose you.”

“Chose me?”

“Of course.” Clarke smiles knowingly. “My paintings have a soul, they choose where they want to go.”

The thought fascinates Lexa. It’s amazing to think about how the painting has been the start of everything and has brought them together. She’s tempted to tell Clarke she can have it back but if she’s honest, she doesn’t want to miss it. Just like she doesn’t want miss the gentle painter again.

“I also can’t believe you didn’t put two and two together. I thought you were supposed to be smart,” Clarke continues, unaware of Lexa studying her quietly. She turns her head now and finds Lexa’s eyes on her. A tiny frown flickers across her face but is quickly replaced by something genuinely tender. She opens her mouth but closes it again without speaking.

“Yeah, well,” Lexa says, smiling at Clarke. “I’ve thought about that, too. The best reason I can come up with is you. I’m enchanted by you.”

“Oh, are you now?” Clarke laughs.

“I am,” Lexa says earnestly. “In the best way.”

Clarke scrunches up her nose and scratches it lightly. Lexa can tell she’s trying to say something but not sure how to. Instead, she starts running her hand through Lexa’s hair again. Several moments of quiet pass and Lexa is just about to close her eyes. She just can’t help it when Clarke starts to play with her hair.

“Are you a woman of your word?”

“Absolutely!” Catching on to the sudden seriousness in Clarke’s voice, Lexa looks up at her.

“I don’t do cuddles?” Clarke quotes her.

Lexa curls her lips into a pout. “I didn’t give you my word on that.”

“True. But I need it now. You won’t run away again, will you?”

“You know where I live, how would I do that?”

“Be serious. Please,” Clarke sighs.

“I’m sorry. No. No, I won’t run away again.”

“Promise me.”

“It’s my fault that you have to ask me this, I know that,” Lexa says with heavy regret in her voice. “But I’m really a very reliable person. I don’t play around … I just didn’t find someone worth staying with. Until you showed up.”

“I’m still waiting for the promise.”

Getting up on her elbow, Lexa reaches for Clarke’s hand, holding it to her chest where her heart beats, strong and steady.

“I promise, Clarke.” An after a little pause, she repeats it. “I promise.”

She means it and Clarke looks at her for a moment before nodding slowly. The look on her face causes Lexa’s heart to stumble. When Clarke pulls Lexa into a deep kiss, sliding her hand underneath Lexa’s shirt, the sensation of a hand on her heated skin makes Lexa shiver. She hadn’t realized how much want she was suppressing until things started to heat up on her couch. She pushed Clarke’s hand away earlier, now she wants to feel it cupping her breast again and she wants it to stay.

Clarke gives it a little squeeze and Lexa can’t stop a moan that’s not so quiet anymore.

“Clarke, we really need to stop.”

“No.”

Lexa’s eyes snap up at the husky growl. There’s a definite hunger in Clarke’s eyes. She runs a thumb across Lexa’s hardened nipple and pinches it gently, then runs her palm across it.

“Show me your bedroom.”


	10. Chapter 10

The sun is up. Lexa knows because the tip of her nose tickles and she wiggles it, burying it deeper in her pillow. Waking up feels surreal. Probably because it is. All of a sudden you’re aware of your existence, coming out of a blissful nothing. Sometimes sudden and harsh and sometimes slowly, reluctantly trying to hold on to a magical place that is nothing like reality and you want to stay there. And sometimes comfortable, gentle, because the reality you’re waking up to is not that much different to your dreams anymore.

Lexa feels very comfortable. Comfortably sore after making love for hours and the memory of it warms up her core before she has even realized she is awake. She’s not going to move. She never wants to move again. There’s a warm, soft, slack body pressed up against hers and legs tangled up with her legs, a hand on her stomach. She can feel the palm and the fingertips touching her skin. There’s warm breath against her shoulder, deep and even. Clarke is snuggled up to her as close as possible. Lexa reaches for Clarke’s hand, careful not to move too much, to keep everything as it is.

“You’re awake.”

Lexa closes her eyes tightly when she hears the voice. For a few moments, she pretends she’s still asleep, just to hold on a bit longer. Soft lips press lazy kisses to her shoulder, nuzzling her.

“I just want to stay like this. Don’t move just yet.”

“Okay.” Clarke tightens her arm around her, moving her hand up to cup Lexa’s breast.

Lexa opens her eyes slowly, blinking at the brightness of the sun that she can’t escape because she forgot to pull down the shutters last night. Getting into the bed was too urgent, their minds blank of every thought but one and she chuckles lightly remembering how Clarke pushed her onto the bed. Most of their clothes had been discarded of on the way to the bedroom and when Clarke started to cover her body with hot kisses, Lexa had just given in to Clarke’s intensity and her passion. Her chest fills with love. She finds no other word for it and she doesn’t want to look for one. Waking up today is like waking up to a newness that is still familiar. But bigger.

If only she had known. Right now, she doesn’t even know what she has been scared of all this time. Being with Clarke is the easiest thing. Lexa’s lips form her name silently. She needs to see her.

“Mhm, this is so nice.”

Clarke’s voice is still thick from sleep. And hoarse. Probably because she really is quite vocal when she climaxes. Lexa stifles a grin and turns slowly, untangling their legs but making sure Clarke’s hand stays where it is.

“Hi,” she whispers when she sees Clarke’s smiling face.

“Hi.”

The sun on this side is even brighter than the real thing outside. Though not blinding and she doesn’t need to blink. She can never get enough of that smile. It dances across Clarke’s face and lights up a whole room.

“What time is it?” Clarke asks, stretching her body under the covers.

“Does it matter?”

“Don’t you have to go to work?”

Lexa smiles at her, pleased that her notion had been right when she had informed her staff she wouldn’t be in today. They would see less of her anyway in the near future. They might as well get used to it right away.

“No, I’m skipping work today.”

Clarke puts on a frown. “I don’t think you do something like that. Or do you?” she says doubtfully.

Lexa laughs, pulling closer and hiding her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck. From there, she trails small kisses along her jaw and up her cheek to her forehead.

“Don’t worry. I’m good.”

“Hm … well, okay. But I will need to get going soon.”

Clarke squeals when Lexa rolls on top of her, pushing her thigh between Clarke’s legs right away, her lips traveling down Clarke’s neck and along her collarbone.

“Lexa! Stop! Don’t make it so hard …,” she whines but moves her leg up a little anyway, pressing against Lexa’s center. Heat flares up instantly and Lexa moans against Clarke’s skin.

“One more time …,” she murmurs, taking Clarke’s nipple between her lips and running her tongue across it. She starts moving her hips, feeling the heat between Clarke’s legs and soon enough, there’s hot wetness covering her thigh.

“Oh god, Lexa, don’t stop.”

With a sudden thought, Lexa does, sliding off and pulling Clarke with her and out of bed.

“What … what is going on now?” Clarke stammers as she’s being dragged into the bathroom where Lexa gently pushes her into the shower and turns on the water.

“We need to shower too. I’m just going to save us some time,” Lexa says as she gets in behind her, holding up her hand to test the water temperature.

“Perfect.”

Clarke looks at her expectantly, shower gel in hand, popping it open. She leans her head back, wetting her hair and the sight makes Lexa gasp. She steps closer to take the shower gel bottle from her. She drops it and Clarke smirks.

“First things first,” Lexa says as her fingers flutter across Clarke’s breasts and around her to grab her butt and pull her close. There’s something about wet skin on wet skin. She pushes Clarke back, pressing her against the glass wall. There’s a mirror on the opposite wall and Lexa realizes the angle is ideal. It gives her an idea. She nudges Clarke to turn around and presses her front against Clarke’s back. That view is even better. She can see Clarke’s face and her eyes that are dark with lust as she, too, realizes that she can see herself in the mirror. Her eyes close when Lexa pushes her hand between Clarke’s legs, her fingers finding her clit right away and rubbing it gently and open again to keep watching. Clarke’s pelvis pushes against her hand and Lexa presses herself harder against her back, joining her movements. Her finger circles around Clarke’s entrance and she pushes it in slowly, watching Clarke open her mouth. It’s not something she thought she would enjoy so much but it’s a huge turn on. Their eyes lock and they start to move together.

Clarke’s hands leave wet trails on the glass as she moves them and Lexa watches her tongue dart out to lick off a few droplets before retreating again. The way Clarke is staring at her in the mirror makes Lexa gasp. She wants to feel that tongue on herself and imagines it there, sending a wave of lust into her center. This is going new places.

“God, Lexa, this is so fucking hot. Fuck me, make me come,” Clarke moans, louder, pushing herself back with both hands to look down to where Lexa’s hand begins to move more fervently. Her breath steams up the glass even more and Lexa starts to fuck her relentlessly, pumping into her before she finally removes her fingers and moves them to Clarke’s clit again. Three of them start rubbing across it and Clarke’s moans become even louder.

“I’m going to watch myself come,” Clarke pants, reaching behind her to hold on to Lexa. When her body stiffens, Lexa brings her other arm around to steady her, holding her up and against her while her fingers dance across Clarke’s clit, driving her over the edge. She presses her thighs together, desperate for friction, anything. Watching Clarke come like this has her so close, she can feel her own orgasm building from using the muscles in her pussy. This is incredible. She feels her stomach muscles clench and she bites into Clarke’s shoulder as she climaxes together with her.

The both stand panting, leaning against the shower wall. Lexa suddenly becomes aware of the running water, feeling it on her back and she has to laugh.

“Holy … Lexa, what was that?” Clarke turns on wobbly legs and looks at Lexa with wide eyes.

“Mhm,” she mutters, wetting her lips with her tongue. “That was … woah. Hey, I really like your shower. Best place in your apartment.”

Lexa looks past her to the mirror. She had never even noticed it there when she was taking her shower. She will surely notice if from now on.

“You are so fucking sexy, I couldn’t help myself,” she grins, pulling Clarke in for a kiss that she wants to be passionate but it gets cut short because neither of them has brushed their teeth yet. They break apart laughing.

“I think I can stand on my own now,” Clarke chuckles, removing her hand from Lexa’s arm. “You just need to pick up the shower gel for us. I don’t think I can do that yet.”

“I’ll be happy to soap you up,” Lexa says as she reaches for the bottle and squeezes the gel into her hand. “Again.”

∞

The drive to the Ark Hotel is quick and Clarke spends it looking out through the car window as the city moves past. She points out a few buildings at Lexa, asking about a restaurant they drive past and when she sees the river, she sighs fondly. Lexa feels detached from it all. Hearing Clarke say out loud that she’s leaving has been a blow to her mood. She had hoped for them to be able to have a cosy breakfast together and then just go back to bed. Instead, she’s taking Clarke to pack and then to the airport to watch her get on a plane that will take her away from her. It doesn’t make her happy.

They reach the hotel much too soon. Lexa has to fight the urge to just put her foot down and keep going. Clarke takes her hand as they walk through the lobby. They arrive in Clarke’s room that looks pristine except for Clarke’s messy bag on the floor in a corner.

“Oh, they replaced the TV,” Clarke notes when she leans to pick up her bag and puts it on the bed. “I hope they stuck it on better this time. It came off too easily.”

Lexa gives her a brave smile but says nothing. She sits down next to the bag, folding her hands in her lap. Her eyes follow Clarke silently as she fetches her things from the bathroom, stuffs her clothes into her bag and gives the room a last look over to see if she’s missed anything.

“Lexa, don’t look at me like that,” Clarke says when she’s finished.

“Like what?”

“Like that! Sad.”

“I can’t help it,” Lexa pouts. “I am sad.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want you to go.”

Clarke’s face softens and she walks over to stand between Lexa’s legs, pulling her close. Lexa pushes up her shirt to put her cheek on Clarke’s bare stomach, then slides her arms around her.

“I want to stay, too. But I have to go back home. I need to take care of a few things.”

“I know,” Lexa mumbles into Clarke’s stomach. She turns her head and brings her lips close to the skin, letting them brush against it, allowing the tiny hairs there to tickle her. She knows she has to let go. It’s just so hard. Taking a deep breath, she detaches herself and looks up at Clarke.

“Well, let’s go then.”

Clarke leans down, cupping Lexa’s face in both hands and looks at her intently. Her mouth opens but she closes it again, kissing Lexa instead. There’s really nothing to say.

Except …

“You’re really just a big baby, aren’t you? It’s less than a month and then I’m back and, well, you said you want to come see me too. So what are you so sad about, tiger?”

∞

The trip to the airport usually takes 50 minutes. Lexa has covered over half the distance in 15 minutes.

“Will you stop speeding like that? I thought you didn’t want me to go? Why are you trying to get rid of me now?” Clarke wonders eventually.

Lexa works her jaw, trying to sort through her emotions.

“I’m just trying to get us there quickly so I have more time with you before you leave,” Lexa says quietly, easing her foot off the pedal and allowing the car to slow down to the speed limit.

“Oh. Well, you could have just said that.”

“Sorry. I guess I’m not very good at ... letting go.” She reaches over to take Clarke’s hand, rubbing her thumb across it. “Sorry.”

“I don’t want you to let go. Are you crazy?” She glances at Lexa who keeps looking straight ahead. Turning in her seat, she brings her hand to Lexa’s cheek and Lexa leans against it.

“I know. It’s silly. I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry. I feel the same.” Clarke thinks for a moment. “It hasn’t been enough time, has it?”

Lexa shakes her head. “No, not nearly.”

“We have all the time in the world. There’s no need to rush anything.”

The voice of reason, of course. A voice that is usually her own although lately Lexa has become rather deaf to it. She tightens her hand around the steering wheel, using all her strength and focuses on the tightening of the muscles in her arm. The sensation anchors her. Finding an anchor is a thing she picked up from the counseling sessions she went to during the first year after Costia’s death. And it helps, as she suspected. She’s not being unreasonable, she’s just going through a programmed routine.

“It’s okay. I’m good,” she tells Clarke, making sure her voice sounds steady. There are things that cannot be explained over the course of three dates. Clarke is right though, they have plenty of time.

Soon, the exit to the airport comes up and as Lexa slows the car down and turns it towards the departure area, her heart grows heavy. She takes them to a parking garage and pulls into a slot. Glancing over at Clarke, Lexa sees her swallow a few times.

“Alright. Here we are.” She drops her hands into her lap, unsure of what to do next. Clarke doesn’t move. Lexa is about to turn when Clarke suddenly grabs the front of her jacket and pulls her close.

“I have enjoyed every damn second with you and there is no way in hell I am going to let you disappear again, Lexa Woods, just so you know,” she tells her and lets go of her. Lexa falls back into her seat trying to catch her breath.

“And now, we’re not going to sit here and feel sad. We’re gonna go inside and if there’s time, you’re buying me a coffee.”

With that, she opens the door and gets out and walks around the car to get her bag. If Lexa has ever needed an anchor, it’s the blonde who’s opening the trunk of her car and lifting out her bag before slamming the trunk shut again. Lexa chuckles as she opens the door and gets out too. She walks up to Clarke, taking the bag from her and putting it on the ground. She needs that kiss.

Leaning in, not quite bringing their lips together, she smiles, moving closer slowly until she feels Clarke’s lips ghosting over hers. She captures Clarke’s lower lip between hers and lets go again, dragging her lips across Clarke’s, never quite kissing but caressing softly. Clarke’s hand comes up to the nape of her neck, pulling her closer and Lexa tilts her head, sliding her arms around Clarke’s waist. The tip of Clarke’s tongue pushes against her lips and she opens them, sighing into the kiss that asks for nothing but her surrender. The world falls away around them and Lexa couldn’t care less. They break the kiss eventually and Clarke’s head falls to Lexa’s shoulder. Eons later, they part.

“Let’s go,” Lexa says, picking up Clarke’s bag. When she turns around, there’s a couple standing not far from them, the woman smiling at them. Lexa blushes. Have they been watching them kiss?

“I’m sorry for staring but you look so cute together,” the woman says warmly as they walk past and Lexa can only agree. She too happens to think Clarke is the sweetest girl in the world and kissing her is … well … she clears her throat and smiles back awkwardly, grabbing Clarke’s hand and pulling her to the exit quickly. Clarke chuckles but has the decency not to say anything.

The airport isn’t very big so they arrive at the check-in within minutes. Once it’s all done there, Clarke checks the time.

“Are you going to buy me that coffee?” she asks, stepping closer to Lexa and leaning her head on her shoulder. “Or should we just …. I don’t know. Sit somewhere?”

“How about a coffee and then sitting somewhere?” Lexa suggests, running her hand down Clarke’s arm to take her hand.

“There’s a coffee place right over there.” She points in the direction.

A few minutes later, they sit down with their coffees on plastic benches across from the entrance to the gates. Clarke turns sideways so she can face Lexa and leans her head against the wall. She takes a sip, flinching because the coffee is too hot and lowers the cup again, observing Lexa quietly.

“What?” Lexa asks after a little while. Her right hand is resting on Clarke’s knee and her thumb is drawing lazy circles on her jeans.

“I’m going to miss you.” Clarke says matter-of-factly before taking another careful sip from her cup.

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to call you as soon as I get home, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And I want to see you again soon. Very soon.”

Lexa turns to look at Clarke.

“This has been so crazy. If anyone had told me a week ago that today, I’d be sitting here with you and not wanting you to ever leave again --.” Lexa’s voice cracks a little and she lifts her cup to her lips, thinking. She lowers it again and sets it on the seat next to hers.

”Are we crazy?”

Clarke snickers. “Oh, I am for sure. Not sure yet about you though.”

Lexa sits up a little straighter, a wide grin pulling at her lips. Clarke’s eyes sparkle mischievously. She lets them roam across Lexa’s face, darting down to her lips and Lexa feels them part in response.

“I’m crazy about you, do you know that?” Clarke says.

“I like being crazy with you. I like you. A lot. I mean … really. A lot.” Lexa nods a couple of times for emphasis.

They stare at each other until Lexa’s cheeks hurt from the constant smile. Her heart has never been so big, a wide open space that makes it so easy for her to breathe and smile and be happy. It has never beaten so strong and so free. She faintly notices people walking past and hearing announcements but all she sees is right here in front of her, smiling back at her.

“You have a really dumb look on your face,” Clarke says suddenly, making them both burst out with laughter.

“And you think you look any different?” Lexa retorts, sticking her tongue out at Clarke.

Another announcement makes Clarke turn her head to listen.

“That’s my flight. Gotta go.” She empties her coffee cup and gets up, holding out her hand for Lexa.

“You stay here, I’m going through now.” She moves closer and Lexa leans her head a little, touching their foreheads together. She presses a little kiss to Clarke’s nose, making her scrunch it up. One of those cute Clarke-things that Lexa loves about her. Ah. There it is again. That word.

Clarke balls her fists into the front of Lexa’s shirt and kisses her. It’s not enough and when she leans back, Lexa follows her and captures her lips again. She stays like that even when Clarke’s lips disappear. When she finally opens her eyes again, Clarke is already a few steps away from her, blowing her another kiss and another one just before she reaches the final sliding doors.

Lexa’s shoulders fall as the door close behind Clarke. She sighs heavily, touching her fingers to her lips where she can still feel Clarke’s kiss.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket. She pulls it out and accepts the call.

“Do you miss me?” Clarke’s voice sounds wonderful on the phone. “Because I miss you already. I couldn’t wait.” Lexa hears her laughing quietly and knows exactly what Clarke’s face looks like right now.

“I miss you too,” she says softly, wondering if she can somehow crawl into the phone.

“That’s good,” Clarke states. “I’ve got to go. I’ll be thinking about you.”

“And I’ll be thinking about you,” Lexa says quietly just before the line goes dead.

She stares at the display until it turns off, then pushes the phone back into her pocket. She walks a few steps, then stops and pulls out the phone again.

She types in her short message, her thumb hovering over the send-icon for a second before she presses it down.

“And I won’t stop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I hate writing smut. I'm just never happy with it 😂


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A drawing session that allows them a look inside their hearts.

„Sit still!“

Her attempt to glare back at Clarke fails due to the odd angle Lexa has been told to keep her head at. She tries to twist her neck a little and sit straighter and Clarke growls at her again.

“Lexa! Come on, I’m just going to need a few more minutes. I’m almost done.”

“I’ll have a stiff neck by then,” Lexa mutters through gritted teeth. All the muscles in her body have tensed up, making the drawing session more of a torture than anything else. She can’t even look at Clarke the way she’s sitting and it’s annoying her.

“Try to relax.” The pen starts to move again, scraping quietly across the paper. “Just a few finishing touches.”

Lexa scrunches up her face and groans as she releases it again, then does her best to resume her pose but she just can’t get it to feel good anymore.

“Ugh, I can’t. Please release me!” she whines.

Clarke sighs. “Oh alright, we’ll take a break.”

Relieved, Lexa lets her body sag immediately and starts to massage her sore neck and shoulders. She turns her head carefully to the left, listening to the bones in her neck crack quietly.

“Do I really have to sit like that? It doesn’t seem very realistic. I never sit like that.”

“You’re the worst model ever!” Clarke complains and lowers her drawing pad onto her lap.

“Aren’t you exaggerating just a little bit?”

“Hmph.”

Moving her head to the right, Lexa’s ignores the amused tone. Her spine cracks again. She slowly rolls her shoulders a few times to release the tension.

“Tell me again why you forced me into this awkward position?”

“I told you. A profile sketch. To catch your incredibly sexy jawline.”

Lexa purses her lips. As nice as that sounds, it still doesn’t feel comfortable. Her departure tomorrow is gnawing at her. She’s not happy about it. She’d much rather stay but she has left on such short notice, she needs to get back now to see how things are going. If she ever wants to be able to take time away from work without worrying about it, she will have to make a better plan. It’s just that she had needed to see Clarke. And there was no arguing with her heart.

“You’ve done a dozen sketches by now. How many do you need?”

Clarke shoots her an annoyed look.

“As many as it takes, Woods. You knew what you were getting yourself into.”

She thinks and adds: “At least now you do. Your girlfriend is a painter, don’t complain.”

“Girlfriend …,” Lexa repeats slowly, trying to quieten her stuttering heart. She looks up at Clarke. She had no idea she wasn’t the only one jumping ahead.

“Well … it does feel like that, doesn’t it?”

“What happened to having all the time in the world?”

“Yeah, like the almost-week it took you to book a flight and come see me?” Clarke teases, putting the drawing pad on the stool next to her. She gets up and joins Lexa on the spacious couch that also serves as their bed at night. Light is streaming in through tall windows that would actually need a good cleaning but somehow it also adds to the cozy feeling of the studio. Lexa had imagined it to be a part of Clarke’s apartment but it turned out that the studio in fact _was_ Clarke’s apartment. One huge room in an old brick building, a remnant from the early industrial age it seemed, where Clarke lived and worked.

Lexa reaches for the plate of fruit sitting on the low table in front of her. She pulls it towards them but before she can take a piece, Clarke has put her arms around her and pulled her in close. Lexa just lets herself sink against her, enjoying how her body just seems to want to melt into Clarke.

„You know, I could just eat you up,“ Lexa says and rubs her nose gently along Clarke’s neck. “You smell divine.”

She closes her eyes to inhale deeply and feels Clarke chuckle beneath her lips more than she hears it. It’s that low rumble from deep within the blonde that appears when she is genuinely amused.

“What?” Lexa asks, keeping her lips pressed to Clarke’s skin.

“You’re a cuddle monster,” Clarke giggles and earns a tickle for the term that makes her giggle even more.

“You turned me into this,” Lexa says, nibbling on Clarke’s earlobe, “so you too don’t get to complain now.”

“I’m not complaining. It’s just that I love being right.”

Clarke jumps when Lexa pokes a finger into her side.

“What? I was right!” she squeals, trying to move away from the teasing finger. Finally, she grabs Lexa’s hand and kisses it.

“I love that you’re so cuddly. I love it. I love y--,” Clarke stops and looks up at Lexa, exhaling slowly. Lexa’s eyes search her face but the look of seriousness that appeared out of nowhere is gone as fast as it showed.

“Anyway,” Clarke continues, clearly about to change the subject. Lexa lets her hands drop and sits up to reach for a cherry. Clarke watches her chew until Lexa drops the cherry stone in a small bowl on the table.

“What was the first thing you noticed about me?” Clarke asks her then, leaning forward, her hand hovering above the cherries and finally picking a particularly big one that pops loudly when she bites down on it. Lexa doesn’t have to think long.

“Your voice. From across the room.”

“Oh, you heard me politely decline that guys advances, huh?” Clarke laughs. “I was actually on my way to you when he showed up.”

“Really? I didn’t see you look my way.”

“You looked at me too?”

“Clarke, the whole place stopped dead to look at you when you yelled at him,” Lexa laughs, remembering her surprise. The club hadn’t been too busy yet but the music was loud and still, everyone had heard Clarke clearly.

“I noticed you the moment I walked in,” Clarke says, biting her lower lip. “I wanted to talk to you right away but you were busy chatting up the barkeeper. So I walked past and I was plotting my second attempt when that idiot showed up.”

She lowers her eyes shyly, smiling at her hands. It’s a rare sight and it makes Lexa want to sweep her up into her arms and never let her go. She looks at Clarke softly.

“Lexa?” Clarke continues after a moment. “What do you like about me now that you know me a little better?”

Again, Lexa doesn’t have to think long.

“Your laugh. It’s open. Honest. Real.”

Clarke fixes her eyes on Lexa’s face, chewing slowly and swallowing the fruit. She smiles.

“Your smile. Its warmth. Like the sun.”

Lexa lifts her hand, brushing her fingertips lightly across Clarke’s cheek, making her smile even brighter. Clarke looks away for a second, lowering her eyes and a soft red appears on her cheeks, making them feel hot underneath Lexa’s fingers. It’s her turn to chuckle now.

“You blushing is really the sweetest thing,” she says gently.

Clarke blushes more visibly now and drops her eyes to Lexa’s lips. Lexa waits a few moments before reaching for Clarke’s hand.

“Your hand in mine,” Lexa says, running her thumb lightly across the back of Clarke’s hand. “Your soft skin and your eyes, your hair and that one stray strand that never wants to stay where you put it. Your talent, your wisdom, your determination and oh, your voice when you want me.”

“Lexa –“

Lexa shakes her head gently.

“Let me.”

She puts her finger on Clarke’s lips to keep her from speaking, dragging it down across her chin only to lean in and kiss Clarke softly.

“Your mouth. The way your lips curve when you smile and how they move when you speak. And that skilled tongue of yours.”

Clarke’s ears turn bright red and she looks down at their hands. It’s funny because Lexa knows Clarke is anything but straight-laced. She’s passionate and sexual and it’s something they both enjoy thoroughly. Still, a casual remark from Lexa like that one turns her into the shyest girl.

“The way you frown and then this deep crease appears between your eyebrows. It makes me want to reach out to wipe it away every time.”

Clarke looks up again, letting the crease appear for a split second.

“Your heart.” Lexa puts her palm on Clarke’s chest, just above her heart.

“I can feel it. I can feel its rhythm. I can feel it like my own heart.”

“Lexa, what are you doing?”

“Just counting my blessings.” Lexa smiles the way she knows Clarke loves. She told her so.

“And what is it you like about me?” she asks and the teenagey awkwardness of the question makes her cringe internally. How to talk about the two of them is still a mystery to her. She doesn’t know how to do it and she’s not sure Clarke does either. There’s so much between them and they both feel it, Lexa is sure of it, but talking about it is the strangest thing. It makes her smile. She’s pretty sure about this whole thing by now and something tells her, Clarke is too. Still …

“That smile. It makes you look like you know something nobody else does. Like you’re smarter than the rest. Which you are, by the way.”

Clarke pauses for a second, her eyes darting across Lexa's face, looking into her eyes for a moment before coming to rest on her lips. Lexa holds her breath.

“And I like the way you say my name. With such … significance. It’s so much more than a name when you say it. As if you’re tasting it and you like the taste when it rolls off your tongue. When you say my name, it feels like a …,” she stops to look for the right word, “like a caress.”

“Clarke,” Lexa says, paying attention to the way her tongue and lips move to form the name. She has never done that before but yes, she likes it a lot.

“What?” Clarke looks at her.

“Just tasting.” Lexa smiles. She likes the taste a lot. “Anything else?”

“Aren’t you modest,” Clarke laughs. “Well, let’s see. I like how you start to babble when you’re nervous. I didn’t get that at first. But I know now.”

She reaches out, grabbing Lexa and pulling her close again until her head rests against her shoulder. As soon as she starts running her fingers through Lexa’s hair, Lexa closes her eyes.

“It’s that, isn’t it?” Clarke presses a soft kiss to Lexa’s hair. “You’re purring. Big boss Lexa Woods is purring. You didn’t like to be weak at first but you do now. With me.”

“Got me there,” Lexa says quietly.

“You’re strong and brilliant and you have such a presence. You just own any room you’re in but you let me see this other side of you. I don’t think a lot of people know it. You have the kindest, softest heart, Lexa, maybe that’s why it connects with mine.”

Said heart stops for a moment and the first beat after the pause almost hurts.

"I haven’t … felt like this with anyone in a long time,” Clarke continues.

“How do you feel?”

“Safe. I feel safe. Like nothing in the world can harm me when I’m with you.”

She falls silent. The fingers that were running through Lexa’s hair have stilled and Lexa sits up a little straighter again, making sure to keep a hand on Clarke’s leg and maintain the connection.

“I won’t let anything harm you,” Lexa states seriously. She leans in to kiss Clarke and when their lips connect, she just never wants it to end again. Clarke whimpers quietly as Lexa slides her arms around her to hold her. When she opens her mouth, Clarke swipes her tongue against Lexa’s slowly, lapping at it gently, reminding Lexa of the wonderful things Clarke can do with her tongue on other parts of her body. She pulls her closer, turning the kiss more passionate as want washes over her. The more she kisses Clarke, the thirstier she gets.

Eventually, Lexa breaks the kiss to breathe.

“Clarke?” she pants, flapping her shirt because she’s suddenly very hot.

“Hm?” Clarke’s eyes are glossed over when she opens them to look at Lexa. She blinks.

“If you want to finish your drawing, we have to stop now.”

Clarke gives her a long look, the corners of her mouth curling into a mischievous smirk. She licks her lips.

“We have tonight and another day before you’re leaving,” Clarke says in low voice, adding her quiet, husky trademark chuckle that sends more hot shivers down Lexa’s spine.

“Let’s get this one done quickly. I’m still going to need a nude.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end there are three words that sum it all up. Fuck you, Nia. Well yeah, that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this is it. The last chapter. I feel there is still a lot of room for more and parts of the story that have not been told yet. There will be more, I hope. But for now, this is the end.

It’s day of the opening. The second time around. When Nia floats into the gallery, the three people inside turn around simultaneously. The only one who doesn’t turn back after recognizing the new arrival is Walter, the owner of the gallery.

“Ms Queen, how wonderful to see you,” he slobbers and hustles over to greet her.

It’s not surprising Nia is nicknamed “The Ice Queen”. The relentless stare from her grey eyes seems to shoot ice daggers, even more so now as she glances at Walter, dismissing him with a display of perfect boredom. Instead, she turns her attention towards the taller woman’s back. Anya seems to shudder under the sudden chill.

“I’m surprised to see you,” Nia says slowly in her low voice that would be pleasant if it had any warmth to it. “Have you come to observe my victory? Or maybe you would like to talk about my offer to work for me? Find out what success feels like for once, huh?”

She takes a few steps into the room and looks around searchingly. Clarke’s paintings are on display on every wall but she pays no attention to them.

“How is Gustus, by the way? I see he hasn’t made it. I hope he’s well.”

“Like you care,” Anya hisses under her breath. She takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders, keeping her eyes fixed on the painting in front of her, studying one spot in the center of it intensely. Her tense shoulders relax a little when Raven puts her hand on her arm.

“Easy,” she whispers, leaning close and looking intently at Anya. “We’ve got this.”

Anya nods curtly, lowering her eyes to the floor for a moment to brace herself before turning around.

“Nia!” she exclaims, forcing a wide smile that, if anyone would bother to look closely, never reaches her eyes. “I suppose we can start. Shall we? Before the other guests arrive.”

“I have a few potential buyers come in. Yes. We should get started.” She rubs her palms together and straightens up even more. Clearly someone who is used to own the show.

Anya opens one arm in an inviting gesture towards a small table that has a silver bowl with ice and a bottle of champagne on it as well as some glasses.

“Would you like some bubbly?” she asks sweetly, addressing Nia.

Taking the bottle from the bowl, she shakes it gently and twists the wiring before removing the cap. Pointing the bottle towards Nia, she starts to jiggle the plug, letting it push out slowly. Longs seconds pass with Anya fixating Nia while slowly releasing the plug into her loose fist. Raven clears her throat.

“Walter, would you like some champagne, too?” she asks the clumsy gallery owner who is still standing near the door, unsure of what to do with himself.

“Yes, yes, thank you,” he stammers gratefully and shuffles closer.

“Watch out,” Anya yells, startling both Nia and Walter. The latter almost jumps at the loud plop when the plug finally releases from the bottle and shoots past Nia, missing her head by the width of a hand. It hits the frame of the front door and falls to the ground.

“Are you trying to kill me,” Nia screeches, turning pale, her hand flying up to her heart.

Anya tuts. “Oh, I am so sorry, my dear. How careless of me. It slipped.” She puts on her sweetest smile while she pours the champagne into the glasses.

“Here,” she says as she holds out one for Nia. “That should calm your nerves.”

When Nia doesn’t move, Anya puts it back on the table. Raven has observed the exchange from the other side of the table. She fixates Anya now, trying to get her attention. When she does, she raises her eyebrows, warning Anya not to push it too far.

“You’re no fun,” Anya mouthes at her before handing her a glass of champagne and taking one for herself.

Keeping a close eye on Anya, Nia finally moves towards the table. She reaches to take the glass Anya is offering her and takes another one, turning to hold it out for Walter.

“Walter, come have some too.”

Nia has regained her superior posture. Victory is plastered all across her face. Walter is still glued to the spot, his eyes darting between Anya and Raven and dropping down to Nia’s feet. He swallows, drawing the corners of his mouth almost down to his shoulders but he finally moves and gingerly accepts the glass from Nia.

An awkward silence settles between the four or them, thick enough to cut with a knife. Nia misses the wink Anya shoots at Raven over the rim of her glass.

“So,” Nia glances at her watch and turns to Raven, “now that we’re done with the pleasantries, are we ready to sign? I’m sure you have reviewed my offer thoroughly.” She makes a pause of effect. “My very generous offer.”

“I have, Ms Queen,” Raven says gracefully, setting her half-empty glass back on the table.

“As you know, I represent the artist, Ms Griffin,” she continues. Anya leans nonchalantly against the table, taking another generous sip of champagne before fixing her eyes on Nia’s profile again. The woman ignores her though she can probably feel the stare.

“Your offer was very generous indeed,” Raven says. “Ms Griffin is here, she would like to talk to you.”

Nia’s confident grin falls and her features freeze. “What do you mean? Meeting the artist was not one of my requirements.”

She tilts her head towards Anya, looking her over. “Unlike my competitor here, I am only interested in the paintings.”

“Yes, we know that.” Raven reaches for a document that has been lying face down on the white table cloth. Nia’s eyes follow her curiously and she cranes her neck but Raven holds the document so that Nia can’t see what it is.

“Clarke!” Raven calls over her shoulder, her eyes never leaving Nia.

The three other heads turn when Clarke emerges from a room off to the side, strolling in casually. She smiles at Raven and Anya, then turns to Nia.

“It’s such a pleasure to meet you,” Nia exclaims, holding out her hand. Clarke looks down at it but doesn’t move.

“I doubt that very much, Ms Queen. Didn’t you just say you were only interested in the paintings? What are you going to do with them?”

Nia drops her hand, a puzzled look on her face.

“Sell them of course,” she says with a shrug. “What else would I do with them?”

“Have you even looked at them?”

“I was told they are very good,” Nia says, growing impatient. Unsure of where this is going, she shifts uncomfortably.

“And they are!” She looks around, giving the paintings on the walls a quick scan. It’s the first time she has looked at them since she arrived.

“These are very good indeed.”

“Hm,” is all Clarke says to that before falling silent again. Looking Nia straight in the eye, she takes a step closer and pulls up her shoulders. She gives an exasperated sigh and releases them.

“You see,” she starts, pursing her lips, “I don’t think you deserve my paintings.”

Nia’s mouth drops open and for a few seconds, she’s speechless. Before she can gather her senses again, Clarke turns and walks to join Raven and Anya at the table.

“Under the terms of a special clause that is part of the contract between my agent and me, I am allowed a right to veto prior to a final decision. My agent has informed me of the details of your offer and I have reviewed it thoroughly. Unfortunately …” Clarke makes a heavy theatrical pause, dragging the silence until it looks like Nia is going to explode. The Ice Queen grits her teeth and barks out a dangerous laugh.

“Stop playing games. You need the money. I know that.”

“I don’t actually,” Clarke retorts. “Which is why I have decided not to sell.”

“What?” Nia snorts, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Well, not to you anyway, sweetheart.” Clarke smiles at her charmingly.

Anya nearly bursts out laughing, hearing Clarke slur the endearing term. Nia looks as if she’s been stabbed, her face a picture of shock that quickly turns into anger.

“Show me that contract!” Nia demands. Raven hands her the document she has been holding.

“Page 2, almost at the bottom. Paragraph 7,” she points out helpfully.

Nia turns the page impatiently, her mouth moving silently as she scans down the page until she finds what she’s looking for. The paper rustles as her fingers tighten their grip on it.

“What does that mean? Why did nobody tell me about this?”

She slowly lifts her head to plant her icy glare on the gallery owner. Walter looks like he wants to drop into a hole in the ground and disappear.

“Walter?,” Nia croaks. “What is this?” She waves the contract at him. The rustling of the paper is the only sound. Walter only swallows a few times, holding his hands up in defense.

“I didn’t know,” he squirms, looking like a deer that has been caught in the headlights. No way out here. He hangs his head.

“You didn’t know?” Nia’s voice is dangerously low. “You didn’t know? I am paying you to know, you little shit.”

She holds up the contract, waving it again angrily at the trembling gallery owner. The other three observe the scene quietly, Anya’s mouth a thin line. She finally speaks, when Nia lifts her arm as if to strike the gallery owner.

“Come on, Nia, don’t be such a bad loser. You will live. I’m sure you’ll find another victim. Show some dignity.”

Nia glares at her but doesn’t say anything. She crumbles up the contract and throws it at Walter.

“Consider our business connection terminated,” she snaps at him, turning on her heel and rushing out, leaving silence and a shattered Walter behind.

“Well, I think that went just fine.”

“Are you sure there’s nothing she can do?” Raven asks nervously.

Clarke smiles and nods at Anya, who has poured two more glasses of champagne and hands them to her with a wink.

“Absolutely nothing.” Clarke reassures her. “Lexa has run it past her lawyers. It’s airtight. Good thinking to put that passage in the contract.”

Raven exhales loudly.

“Now excuse me,” Clarke says lifting up the two glasses she is holding, “I have to take this to my girlfriend.”

“Walter,” Anya says then. “I would like to talk to you about a possible cooperation …”

Clarke smiles quietly as she makes her way to the side room again.

“Who is this beautiful woman?” she asks, addressing the woman standing with her back to her, studying a painting on the wall in front of her. The painting shows a woman in bed, barely covered by a thin white sheet across her hips, arms spread out alluringly, her green eyes sparkling, beckoning to come closer.

Lexa turns, a soft smile on her face.

“I’ve been looking at it for a while now. She looks familiar.” Lifting two fingers to her lips, she taps them gently and shrugs. “I can’t put my finger on it.”

Clarke hands her the champagne and slides her arm around Lexa’s waist.

“All done. Nia has left,” she tells her, letting her eyes wander across the painting.

“You did very well, my love.” Lexa clinks her glass to Clarke’s and they drink.

“Mhm,” Clarke hums, pressing a soft kiss to Lexa’s cheek. She looks up at the painting again.

“You’re really the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”

“So you keep saying,” Lexa chuckles, putting her arm around Clarke’s shoulder and taking a sip of champagne. “How does it feel?”

“It feels good. Really good.“

„You’re all set up. Anya and Raven have already received some money from the fund and the next step is to find a good studio for you.

“I still can’t believe you got Anya to start her own business.”

“Oh, that’s Raven’s doing. She has her ways of making Anya do what she wants,” Lexa laughs. “No, seriously, she convinced her that the two of them make a great team. Raven is already up to her ears in modern art, they’re a perfect match. And Costia’s legacy lives on.”

Saying that fills Lexa with gratitude. Everything has fallen into place. And she can finally move on.

“I’ve realized what still had me tied to Costia was that I had not done everything I could to make her dream come true. She would have been so proud today.” She tries to swallow the lump that has formed in her throat.

“I’m proud of you,” Clarke says softly, rubbing her hand gently across her back. “They say the universe takes care of the good people. You are one of those. You should be happy.”

“I am happy, Clarke. You make me happy.”

“I know another perfect match,” Clarke says, reaching to cup the back of Lexa’s head and pull her into a kiss.

“You make me happy too.”

“Oh, that’s disgusting, stop right now!”

They turn to see Anya standing in the doorway, her arm around Raven, holding up their glasses in a toast.

“Here’s to kicking Nia’s ass!”

∞

The sound of waves rolling softly onto the shore is what wakes Lexa the next day. She turns, pulling the thin blanket with her, effectively pulling it off Clarke.

“Stop doing that! You always do that. You always twist the sheets around you so that there’s none left for me,” Clarke complains but Lexa can tell none of it is meant seriously.

She inhales deeply, enjoying the smile that spreads across her face. It hasn’t really left her since yesterday. Actually, it hasn’t really left her for weeks.

“What are you smiling at?”

“You.”

“You can’t even see me, your eyes are closed.”

“You’re all I see, even when I close my eyes.”

“Charmer.”

“Always.”

Lexa opens her eyes to see Clarke propped up on her elbow, studying her. They have elevated staring at each other to an art from. Lexa feels it moving up her throat again and she swallows. But the feeling keeps moving up, across her tongue, filling her mouth, and pushes against her lips.

“Is it still too early to say it?”

Clarke smiles at her knowingly, tilting her head slightly and leaning in a bit.

“I love you.”

There. Lexa said it. Words she had thought would never cross her lips again. It still feels strange to say them out loud. She has thought them many times. When Clarke walked through the doors at the airport a month ago. Again when she called Lexa after the doors had just closed. And every time they talked on the phone in the days after. Which they did a lot and together with countless messages sent back and forth, it made Lexa feel like a teenager. She had not been able to stop thinking about Clarke and she hadn’t wanted to.

It hadn’t taken long for Lexa to give in to the pull and book a flight to see Clarke. She had stayed for almost a week and hadn’t wanted to leave again. If this wasn’t love, it was something that felt so much like it, it could have fooled her.

During the week she had been with Clarke, they had taken long walks, cooked together and spent a lot of time in Clarke’s small but cute studio. It was everything Lexa had imaged it to be. Messy, paint splatters everywhere, canvases leaning against the walls filled with so much of Clarke, Lexa’s heart had wanted to burst every time she was there. She loved watching Clarke work. She had spent the time on a huge couch, being treated to cuddles and kisses that had made her feel like she was in paradise. Occasionally, she would check in with Frank to see if her business was still alive. But Lexa trusted him. Her baby was in good hands.

Clarke had also taken sketches of her and turned them into a painting after Lexa had left again. It would be up for display at the gallery for a bit but eventually, it would go home with Lexa. Clarke had teased her about that and called her vain. Narcissistic even.

In Lexa’s mind, the painting would eventually be theirs, in a place that would be theirs. But she hadn’t told Clarke that. Now that Clarke’s rent had been paid for six months in advance, there was no rush. But it was something Lexa had on her mind. Long distance was just not her thing, she wanted Clarke closer.

As if she heard her thoughts, Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa and runs her fingers through her hair.

“You’re crazy,” Clarke states and Lexa’s heart sinks. It’s not the response she had hoped to hear.

“And I’m crazy too,” Clarke continues eventually. “Because I think I love you too.”

Lexa turns in her arms to look at her. She wants to say something but Clarke puts her finger on Lexa’s lips to stop her.

“Shh. We have all the time in the world.”

“We do.” Lexa kisses Clarke’s fingertips softly, snuggling up closer to her. “We’ve done it all in fast forward it seems. But now that it’s all over, we can maybe slow down a bit.”

“Well –“

With a quick jerk, Clarke pulls the sheets off of them completely and lets them fall to the floor. She starts running her hand along Lexa’s arm, causing her to shiver lightly at the gentle touch. Clarke traces her fingers along Lexa’s shoulder and down her chest, brushing across Lexa’s breast. Lexa closes her eyes when Clarke starts running slow circles around her nipple.

“Let’s not slow down too much.”

Firmly pushing against her, Clarke makes Lexa turn onto her back and moves on top of her. The kiss is slow and sensual, one of Clarke’s hands moves along Lexa’s hip and down her thigh, trailing its way back up along the inside leg. Lexa’s heart speeds up when she realizes where the hand is headed.

“What are you doing?” she asks breathlessly, although she knows the answer.

“Going to make sure you still remember my name.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A heartfelt thank you to everyone who has read this story and liked it and especially those who told me. Your comments have been a huge motivation. I couldn't have done it without you. No, I'm not sobbing, it just looks like that ;-)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has it all planned out. She’s even cooking dinner. But then, plans don’t seem to work well with the two of them. Takes place several months after the first part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted as the second part of what was to be a series that never took off. Bringing it full circle now.

„You know it’s stupid to wear a white shirt when you’re going to mess around with tomato sauce, right?“

Clarke is sitting on the kitchen counter in Lexa’s kitchen dangling her feet while she watches as Lexa slowly and meticulously stirs the red liquid in a pot on the stove with a wooden spoon. She arrived only an hour and her hair is still a little wet after taking a shower before joining Lexa in the kitchen. Lexa loves that look.

She stirs some more, lifting the spoon expertly to watch the sauce drop back into the pot from it.

“Only if you don’t know what you’re doing,” Lexa says, satisfied with the consistency of the sauce.

“And I do!” She gives herself a chef’s kiss and turns to face Clarke triumphantly. “You are going to love this sauce. There is no better tomato sauce in the world.”

Clarke looks at her for a long time, scanning her face. She rubs her chin and squints.

“Lexa, I know you’re not really into cooking. Why are you making pasta sauce?”

“Because I haven’t seen enough of you this week, you workaholic.” She plants a small kiss on Clarke’s nose just to see her scrunch it up. “And I don’t know if you’re eating properly. So I’m going to feed you.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I just wanted to finish the painting for Anya and Raven’s office,” Clarke says, pressing her lips together guiltily. “But I’m done now and all yours.”

Lexa takes up stirring again. Round and round goes the spoon and just as Lexa thinks how zen-like relaxing this cooking thing is, Clarke stops her from drifting off into tranquility.

“We could have just ordered something. I’m hungry. How long is this going to take?”

“Are you serious?” Lexa pouts. “Here I am trying to be a housewife for once and my girlfriend insults my cooking skills.”

Tapping the spoon on the rim of the pot, she uses a little too much vigor and the inevitable happens. Sprinkles of tomato sauce land on her pristine white shirt.

“Damn.”

“See, I told you it was stupid.”

Clarke hops off the counter and reaches for the roll of paper towels, wetting one under the tap and holding it out to Lexa.

“Come on, master cook, clean yourself up. Cold water helps best.”

Lexa takes the paper towel and while holding the fabric away from her skin with one hand, she starts rubbing across the stains.

“Damn, damn, damn.”

“It’s just a shirt, Lexa,” Clarke says as she watches her rub more vigorously.

“It’s my favorite white t-shirt,” Lexa mumbles.

“Maybe you should take it off, might be easier to clean.” Clarke suggests, her smirk betraying the innocence in her voice. She steps around Lexa to lean against the counter next to the stove and folds her arms.

With a huff, Lexa gives up and lets go of her soaked shirt. The wet spots land on her skin and she gasps at the coldness. Clarke licks her lips when she realizes she can now practically see through Lexa’s shirt in more than one place. Her eyes move up to meet Lexa’s revenge smirk.

“No need to pay for your thoughts, they’re screaming at me,” Lexa says with a laugh and shakes her head slightly.

Clarke grabs the waistband of Lexa’s jeans and pulls her closer.

“Hey, stop, I’m cooking.”

“Uh-huh.” Clarke, her eyes dropping to Lexa’s lips and further down her chest before darting up again. “What if I hunger for the chef instead.”

Lexa chuckles as Clarke’s fingers brush her lips lightly. Capturing one between her teeth she gives it a gentle nibble, pleased with herself when she sees Clarke bite her lower lip in response. She presses up against Lexa and let’s her fingers trail along her lips once more before moving down across her chin and neck, a feather light touch that makes Lexa exhale loudly. Clarke’s eyes never leave hers as her fingers continue their journey across Lexa’s chest, finally grabbing her shirt and pushing it up to reveal Lexa’s bare front. Wetting her index finger with her tongue, Clarke brushes it across one of Lexa’s nipple and Lexa feels it growing even harder. The sensation makes her shiver, even more so when Clarke leans in really close and lifts her hand up to her mouth. Her lips part slightly and she licks across the tip of her finger, then wraps her lips around it and sucks with closed eyes.

Lexa feels very hot all of a sudden. Mustering all her willpower, she pushes down the urge to just ravish Clarke on the spot.

“I like the taste of that,” Clarke says in a deliberately low tone, giving her finger another little suck. “Are we in a playful mood tonight?”

“You. Are. So naughty!”

Clarke bats her eyelashes a few times. “You love it!”

“Mhm,” Lexa leans in to kiss her girlfriend’s lips. “You’re a tease and yes,” she says placing another kiss on Clarke’s forehead, “I love it.”

“Only when I’m naughty?” Clarke asks with a voice that sends shivers down Lexa’s spine and right into her center.

“Always,” Lexa whispers. “I love it. Always. I love everything you do. I love everything about you.“

She pauses, suddenly becoming flustered. There’s something she has wanted to ask for a while now. She reaches into the pocket of her jeans, digging for the small item in there and closing her fingers around it. It’s burning in her fist. She lets go of it again and wraps her arms around Clarke instead. Careful not to pull her too close, she’s still wearing a wet t-shirt, she draws Clarke in to kiss her temple.

“Lexa, what’s up?”

“What do you mean?” she whispers against Clarke’s hair. It smells of her shampoo and Lexa breathes it in.

“I’ve known you for a while now. I can tell when something is up.”

“Nothing is up, my love,” Lexa assures her but it’s clear that Clarke has already picked up on her sudden insecurity. It’s been nearly seven months. She’s so sure but they’ve never really talked about it. Lexa thinks back to their beginning. Yeah, going too fast is kind of their thing. And she doesn’t want to do anything stupid again.

“Gonna go change my shirt,” she tells Clarke and starts to pull away. “Can you watch the sauce for a moment?”

“I don’t mind you in a wet shirt at all,” Clarke purrs, holding on to her. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me why you’re suddenly so tense.”

Lexa feels confident moving through all parts of her life but she still tiptoes through the part that has Clarke in it. Careful not to break anything. Still, she thinks as she cups Clarke’s cheek with her hand and looks into her gentle eyes, Clarke is probably the stronger one in their relationship. She never falters. She came after Lexa when she ran and helped her fight her fears, gently nudging her in the right direction. Lexa still remembers the moment she gave in to her feelings, the lightness she had felt when her heart had opened. How hard it had been to take that last step and how easy everything had been since then.

“You know, I wonder if I could recreate this color with paint.”

Clarke’s voice brings her back to the kitchen.

“Huh?”

Pointing at the bubbling tomato sauce, Clarke shrugs.

“Oh,” Lexa says, dumbly staring into the pot. She hates it when she starts to overthink things. It takes her away from the present and the present is Clarke and Clarke is …

“Hey, where did you go just now?” Clarke plants a small kiss on her nose.

“Just thinking. About how much I love you.”

The soft smile she receives in response is all Lexa needs to reach into her pocket again, finding the small item and pulling it out. She holds her closed fist up between them, swallowing a few times before looking up. Clarke is observing her closely, a question forming in her eyes but she waits.

“I meant to ask you,” Lexa says after clearing her throat. “I know we spend every possible moment together. It’s wonderful. Magical. I love every minute with you. But I want more. Minutes. I want more minutes … uh … time with you. I want you all the time. I … oh, fuck.”

Heat flushes across her face and she can tell she has probably turned bright red. Her ears are on fire. Even after all these months, Lexa still turns into a babbling mess around Clarke on occasion. This is one of those occasions. She’s not sure she wants Clarke to make fun of her right now. From under her lashes, she looks at Clarke shyly, pulling a face.

“I’m sorry.”

Clarke kisses her. The softness of Clarke’s lips hits Lexa with unbridled force and she is unable to hold back a sigh.

“Okay, tiger, now you really have to tell me what this is about.”

Lexa rests her fist against her chest but pulls it away again when she feels the wetness there. Looking down, she hangs her head at the mess she sees. The front of her shirt is mostly wet and her cleaning attempts turned the tomato red into a pumpkin orange, spreading the stains rather than getting them out.

“Yeah, those are nice colors too. I may have to try mixing those as well,” Clarke says with a laugh.

Lexa looks up. Clarke’s blue eyes are on her, gentle and loving. There’s no need to overthink.

“I know you already have a key,” Lexa starts again. “But I wanted to ask you to move in with me. For good. I’ve thought about it. We can keep your studio and you can be there whenever you want and as long as you want to. I just want you to come home to me. I’ve had another closet installed, for all your stuff. You can be messy all you want in there.”

The last bit was probably not necessary and she grits her teeth at the offended look Clarke gives her. But before Clarke can think up a good retort, Lexa takes her hand and places the key in her palm.

“Our home.”

Clarke stares down at the key in her hand.

“Of course,” Lexa continues nervously, “we need to talk about the details. I don’t want you to think you have no say in this. You do, of course. And if you don’t want to just yet then that’s fine too. Probably. I mean, it is. If that’s what you want, it’s fine. I just … I love you. If now is not the right time to move in together, I will wait. I don’t want to push anything. “

Clarke looks up slowly and blinks a few times. Then she looks down at the key again and closes her hand. When she looks up again, her eyes are teary. Lexa watches her slip the key into her pocket. She reaches for Clarke’s hands and brings them up to her lips to kiss them.

“Please say something,” Lexa whispers. “Are you in shock?”

Clarke shakes her head slowly, dropping her eyes to the floor. Her smile spreads even wider when she lifts her head again and nods fiercely.

“Is that a yes?” Lexa asks tentatively.

“Let me reword that.” Clarke’s voice is thick with emotion.

She leans in to kiss Lexa again and the kiss deepens quickly, making Lexa’s head spin as the world drops away and it feels like they’re no longer in her apartment, the city, or even earth. It feels like they have floated up into the sky and even that doesn’t matter to Lexa right now. All she cares about is the taste of those sweet lips, the delicious tongue demanding entry. She feels Clarke’s hand sneak underneath her shirt and fingertips fluttering across her stomach and around her to draw lazy circles on her lower back. She leans in a little more to place her hands on Clarke’s butt, deliberately squeezing both cheeks and then moving a little lower to lift her up. Clarke yelps in surprise against Lexa’s lips before her legs wrap around Lexa’s waist and her arms fold around the nape of her neck.

“You are so damn strong, it’s unbelievable.” Clarke is laughing and it makes Lexa happy. This feels so right.

“Can you say it again?” She needs to hear it again to try and contain her heart before it explodes.

Clarke nods, her eyes sparkling. She nods again. “Yes, I’ll move in with you. I thought you’d never ask!”

She laughs, peppering kisses across Lexa’s face.

“Clarke –“

“Lexa –“

“I –“

“What?”

“I think the sauce is burning.”

Lexa lets go of Clarke and turns to quickly push the pot off the heat. The pretty red sauce has turned into a gooey brownish substance, thick bubbles pushing heavily through the surface. Inedible. Fuck.

“I’ll order something.” Clarke reaches around Lexa to turn off the stove. “Later.”

“I thought you were hungry?”

“I am,” Clarke says, looking at Lexa with darkened eyes. “For you.”

Lexa grabs her wrist as Clarke pulls her arm away again. Bringing it up to her lips, she presses a soft kiss to the inside of her wrist and another one to her palm before entwining their fingers and pressing Clarke’s hand to her cheek.

“I’m happy,” she whispers.

“Now,” Clarke’s thumb brushes across her lips, “you can pick me up like that again and carry me into the bedroom because I intend to repeat my yes a few more times to make sure you heard it.”

“Naughty.” With a wide grin, Lexa sweeps her up, turning off the kitchen lights on their way out, walking unsteadily because Clarke nibbling on her neck is a terrible distraction.

Clarke breathes into her ear. “Oh, I will be.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The minute I heard my first love story  
> I started looking for you, not knowing  
> how blind that was  
> Lovers don't finally meet somewhere  
> They're in each other all along  
> We are the mirror as well as the face in it  
> We are tasting the taste this minute  
> of eternity. We are pain  
> and what cures pain, both. We are  
> the sweet cold water and the jar that pours  
> I want to hold you close like a lute, so we can cry out with loving  
> (Rumi)

"Baby?"

"Hm?"

"Are you nervous?"

"Am I nervous? I think I'm going to die."

"Don't please. Come here."

Clarke leans in to press a soft kiss to Lexa's nose.

"That's it?" Lexa wonders, her eyes still closed.

"Rest is for later," Clarke says with a wink.

And after a small pause and a deep breath, she leans in again to kiss Lexa's cheek.

"I love you, you know that?" she whispers, suddenly shy, her face flushed. "We've got to go. They're waiting."

Lexa grabs her hand, holding her back.

"Run away with me," she says breathlessly. "My car is outside!"

She pulls but Clarke doesn't want to move. Taking a quick step into Lexa's arms, she buries her face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the familiar scent.

"Are you going to make me stop you from running away for the rest of our lives?" Clarke sighs and Lexa can feel her smile against her neck. Tightening her arms around the girl she loves so much, she shakes her head lightly.

"No, I'm not. It's just the nerves."

"I know. I'll tell you what, you marry me now and then we run away as quickly as we can."

"Hm, sounds like a good idea."

"Through there, Ms Woods," Clarke says, pointing towards the door that leads out into the garden.

"You look beautiful."

"So do you," Lexa responds as they step out into the sunshine and make their way towards their waiting guests.

A short while later, they're sprinting across the lawn, putting distance between themselves and Anya, who was the quickest to respond when after their kiss, both Clarke and Lexa slipped off their shoes and ran.

"The cake," they hear her yelling. "You have to cut the fucking cake!"

Clarke is laughing as she jumps into the passenger seat, screaming out her joy as Lexa let's her small sports car skid down the gravel path and onto the main road, leaving behind their surprised wedding guests and Anya, who is surely going to kill them when they get back.

But for now, it's the yes they've said to each other and just the two of them, running away together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little extra for the someone who wanted to see them married. That wasn’t my plan, originally, but I couldn’t say no 😉. The circle is complete now.


End file.
